“Scarlet juices oozing slow, boiling in a human sea. Is it human dinner you’re talking about? Then slice me tender, raw and lean. Where are the bodies for dinner? I want my food!” From Silver Spoon, written by Grace Slick.
Our good fiends on the Right have found the latest and greatest evil they have yet to encounter, and so of course they’re starting still another culture war. Evidently, they don’t care much for the change in logos at Cracker Barrel.
The eatery made some changes in their operation. They’ve got a new fall menu, which is common to food chains. They made an extremely minor change in their logo, one that is hardly noticeable on those 30 foot tower signs of theirs that you’ve seen while whizzing by on the Interstate at seventy-three miles per hour.
So, as would be expected, the multitudes of morons on the Right totally lost their shit. Again.
“Woke! Woke! Woke,” shout the mindless cramp-followers, as if that word ever had any meaning in any sociological sense whatsoever. “Woke Woke Woke” is the banality bawled out by the cliché-drenched American Zombie Party. “Woke! Woke! Woke! Woke! Woke! Woke! Woke! Woke! Woke!” These great American idiots persist like a pair of wind-up chattering Joker teeth, screeching only to their equally unbrained moral doppelgängers. This is the loud battle cry of our favorite goose-stepping dimwits.
Amusingly, Steak ‘N Shake’s “social media” page carried a mindless bitchout from Donald Trump advisor Alex Bruesewitz. “The destruction of a great American brand continues. The current leadership team at Cracker Barrel is totally clueless.” Well, S&S chain owner Sardar Biglari holds nearly an eighth of a BILLION dollars of shares in Cracker Barrel. You’d think that might give this hypocrite a bit of input into Cracker Barrel’s board decisions.
Full disclosure: I do not believe I’ve been to a Steak ’N Shake this entire millennium, but the last time I was there — the one in McHenry Illinois near the Wisconsin border — I kinda liked the place. Maybe I’ll check them out again, after they grow up.
Despite the fascist knuckleheads’ proclamations, Cracker Barrel’s stock did not crash after the announcement. It did drop a bit the next day, down $4.22 to $54.80. That’s close to a fart in a blizzard. But if their new logo pisses you off so much, hey, go sell your stock. Use the proceeds to buy a life.
They have a word for restaurant chains that update their marketing, and that word is “Thursday.” Personally, I’m pissed that Dunkin’ dropped their Donuts. I mean, how goddamned Woke Woke Woke can you get?
This reminds me of the time the Right Wing Screaming Mimis’ condemned the original Proctor and Gamble logo, which was their standard from 1851 until 1989. These lunatics decided it was Satanic and people in some parts of America (today we ironically call ‘em Red States) stopped buying their Entenmann’s products. Those sales never fully recovered, and P&G sold the donut maker off.
However, I’m sure P&G remains too Woke Woke Woke for the zealots. After all, they came out publicly in support of same-sex marriage. Their CEO said “The world would be a better place if my board of directors on down is represented by 50% of the women.” Over the past six years, the board of Proctor and Gamble consisted of an equal number of men and women. Oh, and this year they committed to continuing their DEI policies despite increased Trump government scrutiny. So this story has a hero. I guess Proctor and Gamble is terminally Woke Woke Woke. And probably still owned by Satan.
You don’t like their massively small and unbewilderingly insignificant changes? That is your right. It is your right to huff and puff and turn your nose towards the New Reich Chancellery. This is your right, and you don’t need me to tell you this. Personally, I only recall eating at Cracker Barrel once, I think maybe in Ohio. It was okay. Maybe now it’s better.
Personally, as long as they still sell their brand of chocolate licorice, I’m there.
UPDATE (Tuesday August 26):
Well, it turns out the lame pussies at Cracker Barrel have caved in pretty damn quick. They’ve decided to give in to the noisy impotent MAGA storm troopers and keep their logo the way it was. Boy, I’ll tell you, the folks who used to own Sambo’s must be thinking hard about their past. Now that the MAGAts will fill the rustic fantasy with their stupid un-American hats that are made in China and with their lips firmly planted on Trump’s orange-covered butt, I doubt I’d be able to enjoy my meals there. Nor should I, Fucking weaklings — and if Trump tells them to start selling horse meat and fried chicken robot? I don’t need them. Any of them.
