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Brainiac On Banjo: Under The Influence

Brainiac On Banjo: Under The Influence

Posted on by Mike Gold

“Might be a rock’n’ roll addict prancing on the stage, might have money and drugs at your commands, women in a cage. You may be a business man or some high degree thief. They may call you Doctor or they may call you Chief. But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed, you’re gonna have to serve somebody.” From Gotta Serve Somebody, written by Bob Dylan.

— special bonus! —

“Well you may believe in devils and you may believe in lords, but Christ, you’re gonna have to serve yourself and that’s all there is to it. So get right back here, it’s in the bloody fridge. God, when I was a kid, didn’t have stuff like this, TV fuckin’ dinners and all that crap. You fuckin’ kids are all the fuckin’ same. Want a fuckin’ car now! Lucky to have a pair of shoes!” From the response song Serve Yourself, written by John Lennon.

And now for today’s unanswerable question: are we a nation of sheep?

Or, to pose it another unanswerable way: What the fuck are influencers? Why do people pay attention to them? How do they pay their rent? What do they put under “occupation” on their 1040s?

More important, in my humblest opinion: why do people follow influencers? Isn’t simply believing in Trump enough? As Bob Dylan said, “you’ve gotta serve somebody.” Or, perhaps as John Lennon suggests, maybe you should consider taking responsibility for your own actions and desires.

Then again, I have long been proud of being a freelance black sheep. The work ain’t bad, and there’s plenty of job security.

So, why can’t we make up our own minds? I get it; making up your mind requires thought, and thought is hard work. It’s a lot easier to have others do our thinking for us.

Maybe we never adjusted to the absence of our parents, our teachers, and other thought-provokers. Our media has become nauseatingly lame, even more so since Donny and His MAGAts put the Christian Nationalists in charge. If everybody’s got to serve somebody, it may be the devil, it may be the lord, but they want it to be Trump. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Under The Influence” →

Brainiac On Banjo: Halloween’s Other Princess

Brainiac On Banjo: Halloween’s Other Princess

Posted on by Mike Gold

“I could be the catalyst that sparks the revolution. I could be an inmate at a long-term institution. I could dream to wild extremes, I could do or die, I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.” From What A Waste, written by Ian Dury and Rod Melvin.

If you’ve been to the supermarket lately — perhaps you just won the state lottery — you’ve probably noticed Halloween is upon us. Big bags of tiny candy bars marked “fun” abound, many containing ersatz pumpkin poo. We should acknowledge the likelihood that without Halloween, we might not have Wonder Woman around.

Like much of what I write this might seem idiosyncratic, but even if I’m overanalyzing history a bit, this claim has merit. In the 1940s, Wonder Woman was one of the most visible comics characters in America. She had her own comic book, was cover-featured in the monthly Sensation Comics anthology title, shared covers on Comic Cavalcade with Green Lantern and The Flash, was a member of the Justice Society of America — although, of course, she spent the war years as the JSA’s secretary. She even had her own daily newspaper comic strip for a couple years.

Then World War II ended. Before long the paper shortage ended and, slowly, rationing was retired. The returning generation of family members sold their daddy’s companies to mammoth, soulless, money-grubbing conglomerates. Those outlets that had been selling comic books — candy shops, drug stores, newsstands, railroad stations — were being replaced by shopping strips and malls where the profit from ten-cent comic books wouldn’t mean shit to a tree. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Halloween’s Other Princess” →

Brainiac On Banjo: Our Favorite Nepojunkie

Brainiac On Banjo: Our Favorite Nepojunkie

Posted on by Mike Gold

“People think its cool cause it’s our law. Think they rebel without a cause. We gotta help the sick and the addicted, but were killin’ ourselves with the new prohibition. Our government’s try to tell you what to do; decide for yourself what’s right for you. If ya go too far and ya get outta hand, then ya take a little trip down to prison land!” From “Legalize it” written by Mojo Nixon.

We’ve been spending the past several weeks talking about comic books, so I thought this week I’d lighten the tone a bit and talk about heroin addiction.

To be fair, heroin use has been a significant part of our popular culture. Aside from state and local laws, including those that only tangentially affected heroin users, the federal Anti-Heroin Act prohibiting the possession of opium wasn’t passed until 1924. Opium, organic and synthetic, is the alluring ingredient in heroin as well as such substances as methadone, codeine, oxycodone and naloxone. This act amended the Smoking Opium Exclusion Act of 1909 which authorized the importation of the opium-producing poppy plant for medicinal use.

Back in the 19th century, the civilized world was held in thrall by opium and its relations — to the point where Bayer Pharmaceuticals created a safer form of opium in 1898 they named “heroin.” They sold it as a cure for opium addition, alcoholism and for coughs, and they claimed it was more effective than morphine and free from abuse potential. Turns out they were mistaken about that last point. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Our Favorite Nepojunkie” →

Brainiac On Banjo: Gimme Them Ol’-Time War Comics

Brainiac On Banjo: Gimme Them Ol’-Time War Comics

Posted on by Mike Gold

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde.

Back in my First Comics days, I made the observation that the major difference between World War II and the Vietnam War was the Andrew Sisters. I was serious, and a surprisingly large number of people understood my reference. It’s much more easy to be culturally obscure these days.

For you young’uns out there, the Andrew Sisters were a trio of sisters — get it? — who were very patriotic and who sang pop-music-to-win-a-world-war-by. Probably their biggest hit at that time was “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” and, in my opinion, it remains quite good — catchy, amusing, patriotic, and life affirming. World War II was extremely popular as wars go, even among many of those drafted to fight in it. Capitalism being a thing, the song sold millions. The Sisters made eighteen movies; their first, Buck Privates, teamed them up with the great Shemp Howard as well as some other notable comedic performers.

Amusingly, their first big hit was 1937’s “Bei Mir Bist Du Schön”. According to iMDB, that song was a favorite of the Nazis until it was discovered that the song’s composers were Jewish. Art for art’s sake, as Oscar Wilde noted.

The Andrew Sisters lasted until 1967 and were still big when the Korean War started. However, times change. After World War II we were kinda sick of war, and we didn’t want our fathers and uncles and brothers to go back into bloody combat. The Andrews were still on the radio and were big in the new medium of television, but their public did not ask them to provide the same type of patriotic war support they had the previous decade… USO shows not withstanding.

These attitudes were mirrored in American comic books. During WWII, you couldn’t pick up a 10 cent fifty-two pager without all sorts of stories about how each Nazi and each Japanese soldier was a Doctor Doom-level threat. Of course you recall the cover of Captain America Comics #1, where the star-spangled-shield-slinger punched Adolf Hitler in the face. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Gimme Them Ol’-Time War Comics” →

Brainiac On Banjo: Bored On The Fourth of July

Brainiac On Banjo: Bored On The Fourth of July

Posted on by Mike Gold

“I am not a pacifist, I like throwing bricks. And when the cops have caught me and I’ve taken a few licks I always feel lucky if I get a bloody nose, because I feel so militant and everybody knows by the time the riot is all through, I’m a better anarchist than you.” From I’m a Better Anarchist Than You, written by David Rovics.

When I was a small child, I was taken to our family dentist for routine check-ups and, of course, because my parents liked the look of naked fear on my face when I would hear the dentist’s drill screaming through the waiting room wall. Eventually, I would stagger out of the office in discomfort. Lucky for me, my dentist had a cardboard box full of “old” comics (well, they certainly are old today) and it contained some great stuff. I was allowed to take home one comic book. Only one.

I fiddled through the box several times, and each time I was most curious about Superman #100. Major anniversary issues were few and far between back then, but both comics fans and normal humans alike tend to be attracted to such stuff.

As you can see from the art, Superman #100 — published in mid-1955 — that cover prominently featured four similarly laudable comics, at least numerically. But inside…

… there was nothing special at all. Nothing. Some ordinary Superman stories, a couple drawn by their main art team of Wayne Boring and Stan Kaye and one by Al Plastino. Normal stories that were, even at that time, rather boring.

Pun not intended.

I probably was six or seven when I copped this prize, but I was confounded when I read it. “This is a 100th issue? It’s no big deal.” DC published Batman #100 the following spring, and it was so pathetically ordinary Superman #100 felt like it was the best anniversary issue of all time. Batman #100 had six “iconic” covers (I loathe that incredibly overused word) seemingly chosen at random: #1, #23, #25, #47, #48, and #61. There were some truly great Batman covers in the first 99 issues, but DC neatly avoided them. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Bored On The Fourth of July” →

Brainiac On Banjo: Will There Be Piece In Our Time?

Brainiac On Banjo: Will There Be Piece In Our Time?

Posted on by Mike Gold

“You don’t possess me, don’t impress me, just upset my mind. Can’t instruct me or conduct me, just use up my time.” From I Talk To The Wind written by Peter Sinfield.

Forever War. Well, forever is a long time, but this Middle East thing has been going on… forever. Of course, all that will stop on Friday, according to President Donald J. “Neville” Trump. Last night as he was getting ready to give his thumbs down to a bunch of steroid-sucking “athletes,” he said this after proclaiming the Trump-Epstein War with Iran to be over:

“I hereby fully authorize the toll free opening of the Straight of Hormuz and, simultaneously herewith, authorize the immediate removal of the United States Naval blockade. Ships of the world, start your engines.”

Holy shit. That certainly must have impressed all those 12 year-olds on his lawn, gawking at the UFC Freedom 250 salute to Gay Pride Month. Children who still think his words actually mean anything.

NPR

As of this writing, we have not seen confirmation from anybody with the capacity to ignore the decree: the various Iranian power clusters, the Iranian-supported Hezbollah, the government of Lebanon, and the Prime Minister of Israel — a man who is almost as out-of-control as Trump… but, admittedly, a much better speaker.

Even in the best of circumstances, this cannot work. Trump’s priorities are not the same as Earth’s. Actually, he only has but one priority, and the past seventeen months show us he’s used Supreme Court Chief “Justice” Roberts’ laminated get out of jail free card to steal billions of dollars from the United States citizens and the blissfully ignorant MAGA storm troopers.

Israel has every right to be concerned about its safety, but under its current regime its prime minister has crossed the line between defender of his nation to batshit war monger. With Hezbollah continuing to attack Israel from Lebanon, the Lebanese people have every right to be concerned about their safety. Iran has attacked some of its neighbors such as Qatar, Oman and the United Arab Republic, all of which boarder on the Straights of Hormuz.

There is no quid pro quo in war.

I don’t think Trump’s most stringent supporters, the Christian Nationalists, would be happy with a permanent armistice. They are under the belief — and “belief” is exactly the right word — that the only way to bring about their eschatological rapture is if Israel were to continue to exist. There’s a seven-year Tribulation period, the “Third Temple” must be built in Jerusalem, and some goofy shit like the darkening of the sun and moon must occur to bring about the Second Coming.

And that, folks, explains our foreign policy in a nutshell.

Ah, well. Sunday on the White House lawn, then Monday, then Tuesday, then Wednesday, then Thursday…

And on Friday, Trump rested.

That is plenty of time for the Painted Traitor to TACO out. In fact, I do not believe there has yet been a thought that Trump has consistently held for five days, outside his murderous lies about the 2020 election and his complete loathing for anybody who objects to his whims. Taco Tuesday might be a few days late this week.

Remember when Trump said he would start no new wars? Yeah, well the President of the United States does not. He’ll go to war with anybody if there’s enough money in it for him.

And he still has Justice Thomas’s get out of jail free card.

Brainiac On Banjo: Thumbs In Your Hot Dog

Brainiac On Banjo: Thumbs In Your Hot Dog

Posted on by Mike Gold

“Would you have mansions of gold in the sky… and live in a shack, way in the back? Would you have wings up in heaven to fly… and starve here with rags on your back?” From There is Power in a Union, written by Joe Hill.

“We are the workers that make Dark Horse a home to the unique comics, creators, and creative principles known around the world.” From the statement issued last week by the Dark Horse Workers United (DHWU).

Forty years ago comics store owner Mike Richardson decided to take some of the loot that passed through his cash registers and start up a comic book company (Dark Horse Comics). It was the thing to do in the Eighties, but Richardson became the guy who actually pulled it off.

By 1986, most of the so-called independent publishers were coughing up blood and the distribution system looked like it was designed by M.C. Escher after he took LSD. They say timing is everything, but there might not have been a worse time to enter the racket since the paper shortages of World War II.

But Mike did it right, and of the American publishers alive at that time Mike was the only new guy to make it. He did so at a time when Marvel Comics and, particularly, DC Comics were booming. They controlled about three-quarters of the market at the time. Archie Comics was still on the stands, but that was the year Charlton went blooie. Harvey Comics was still around, kind of, flickering in and out of business while changing hands a couple times. They finally gave up the ghosts in 2003. Fun fact: what’s left of Harvey is now owned by NBC/Universal.

Screenshot

So much for ancient history. Richardson slowly expanded the company into film and television production, bringing Dark Horse published properties such as Hellboy and The Mask to screens large and small — as well as a really solid documentary about Don Rickles. Don briefly was also a comic book character.

In March of 2022, Mike decided he had enough of tending to the tubes and wires of industry and he sold the operation to video game holding company Embracer Group, retaining (as is common) his positions as publisher and CEO. He was fired four years later — for the math-challenged, that’s nearly three months ago. Jay Komas became the interim CEO. I believe Mike was the longest-serving publisher in American comics history.

So it goes. As Jack Kirby said, “Comics will break your heart.” Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Thumbs In Your Hot Dog” →

Brainiac On Banjo: Schlitz Hits The Fan

Brainiac On Banjo: Schlitz Hits The Fan

Posted on by Mike Gold
©Chicago Sun-Times

“I don’t drink beer cause it doesn’t make me feel well, and I need every brain cell I’ve been given. And I don’t drink beer, I don’t mean to be overcautious, but the bitter taste makes me nauseous. I don’t drink beer.” From I Don’t Drink Beer, written by Tim Hawkins.

Just as the song above suggests, I do not drink beer… pretty much for the reasons Tim Hawkins noted. Besides, I’ve got low blood pressure and the one time I got drunk I just sat glowering in the corner and frightening the hell out of my friends. I was sixteen at that time, and that’s one of the few life lessons I’ve kept rattling around in my brainpan for the past six decades. However, like most everything that the Swells had deemed low-class, I fully appreciate beer culture.

Back in my sainted hometown of Chicago, just 90 miles south from the town that Schlitz thinks it made famous, the brewer built fifty “tied-houses” between 1897 and 1905 — saloons that sold only Schlitz beer — throughout the Midwest. The architecture was such that a large Schlitz logo was built into the motif and were decorated in colored terracotta. 10 such tied-houses remain in Chicago to this day, and on this day, not a one is serving Schlitz at all.

Granted, most haven’t served beer in years, but those that are still selling suds aren’t serving the beer that made Milwaukee famous. Schlitz went blooie this past weekend. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Schlitz Hits The Fan” →

Brainiac On Banjo: Old Texts

Brainiac On Banjo: Old Texts

Posted on by Mike Gold

“I hate each Julie Andrews film they’ve made. I’m just a nasty narrow-minded jade. Don’t think that I will smile at it, I’m not a weak-willed hypocrite. I’ll say I’m bored!” From I’m Bored, written by Vivian Stanshall.

Before we had letter columns, before we had copy-riddled promotion pages and heartfelt missives from publishers and editors, we had text stories — one page (sometimes two) that told a nice little story about one of the superheroes regularly featured in the title, uncompelling at its best, but occasionally written by someone familiar with the character.

They proliferated in comics though the 1960s or so, but neither I nor my friends nor anybody I’ve ever met had read more that a few of them. And back then we were so bored we even read Roy Raymond TV Detective in the back of Detective Comics.

We have been told that publishers needed some sort of text feature in order to qualify for second-class mailing privileges. That story has been repeated so many times most of us think it’s true — and it probably is. Subscribers needed their comics delivered to their homes at a reasonable time, and publishers wanted to keep their postage costs as low as possible. But it’s hard to tell. Back then no two post office officials interpreted the rules governing those permits the same way with any consistency or logic, and often one could shop around for a friendly bureaucrat. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Old Texts” →