Welcome back, one and all, to my little corner of the internet. For the past couple weeks, I’ve been bringing you my thoughts on movies — both old and new. So, let’s go ahead and switch up mediums, shall we? While I’d love to wax poetic on some of the recent streaming I’ve done… I’m fairly confident all the best essays on Pluribus were already written. And much like Severance, I’ll be tortured awaiting new episodes for the eternity it takes to get them. Say what you want about terrestrial cable shows of yore, but at least you got seasons of content regularly for multiple years in a row, I tells ya whut. I could discuss my recent spins of music, but I need a few more weeks to determine how best not to sound like an angry pre-grandpa when it comes to the current cadre of modern music. Let’s just skip past that for now. Heck, I could bedraggle the lot of you with some parting thoughts on the cavalcade of audiobook memoirs I’ve recently consumed — of funnymen Gary Gulman, Marc Maron, and David Spade — but I figure next to no one would read past the intro to whatever literary car wreck I’d splay out gushing over comedians I admire (ok, 2 I admire, and David Spade. zing…).
What all does that leave? C’mon kiddos. Let’s take a trip back to the wide world of Pro Wrestling, and see what’s grinding Uncle Marc’s gears! And hey, it’s been five articles since I have, so, it’s time!
Let’s chat about the Sami Zayn of it all.
Perennial “Underground Underdog”, Sami Zayn (né El Generico, Stevie McFly, or Sami Uso..) scored an amazing upset win in a triple threat, and became the Undisputed WWE Champion — which instantly became one of the most polarizing victories in all of professional wrestling (certainly in the last 10-20 years). To the ride or die fans of the man, this was a long-time-coming; not unlike the victory of Zayn’s real-life bff, Kevin Owens’ win of the WWE Universal Championship a decade prior. But unlike Owens’ reign — which lasted 188 days — Zayn’s champion run lasted only nine. The already spicy fans now were en fuego with rage. WWE top brass are likely just happy that the dirt sheets and passionate fans were abuzz with chatter of it all.
Firstly, I’d like to address several former WWE talent, who took time to step out of obscurity, to come yell at the sky over Zayn’s victory. Sean Morley (né Val Venis, the Big Valbowski, or Chief Morley) paused his MAGA-twinged tweets long enough to publicly decry his outrage. Of equal importance (that is, literally none), former curtain jerking jerkoff Bob “Sparkplug” Holly spent every one of the nine whole days Zayn was champion to lambast him to his 67.7K followers on Twitter. Multiple times a day. To both of these blowhards — and any other equally long-forgotten pantloads of similar stature — I proudly laugh in your general direction. For former workers of the WWE to attempt to gain some free press from the aforementioned dirtsheets in hopes their “old man shakes fist at clouds” opinions is just a sad, sad look. Certainly the former fake porn star, and professional bully would have proudly taken a run at the top prize of the WWE for 9 days if Mr. McMahon had asked. But boy howdy… losing a gasket over a fellow journeyman like Zayn getting the accolade makes them think they can grouch their way back into the zeitgeist? FFS, it’s pathetic.
Secondly, and most importantly: to Sami. I’m a fan. The man has charisma. Whether he’s a smarmy unhinged heel, or doe-eyed babyface… Zayn is a command presence — even if he’s not a carved out of stone body guy. To me, he’s in the mold of a Bryan Danielson, Kevin Owens, or Brody King. He’s clearly fit… but has a build that is atypical for his fellow pro wrestlers. Sorry, different is good in my book. And while I get why many fans threw up their hands in frustration over the short tenure as champion? His sour grapes tirade (that the official WWE youtube page posted, mind you) is an instant faux-real classic. The ire and bile he spews shows me that at very least for the short while, Zayn will be hovering in the main event picture for at least a cup of coffee or two. So, three cheers from this Fish, man. It’s nice for WWE to be interesting for a change.
However…
Let’s chat about the CM Punk, Cody Rhodes, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins of it all.
In the same breath I applaud the WWE for the Sami Zayn nod… I jeer them just as hard for their continued leaning on the same top level talent holding down the fort with their pair of championship cummerbunds. Since returning to the WWE, Phil “Cookie Monster” Punk has seemingly been enjoying HHH checking off each item on his 2011 pipe bomb promo. Mania main events. Plenty of merch. Creative freedom. And now? Completing the triple crown of fan-perceived dick-moves as he walked into (and won!) a gimme championship match after taking a brief vacay to rest and heal (heel?) up. And his opponent at the upcoming — and grossly undersold — Summerslam? Cody Rhodes. Again.
Over on the other show, Roman Reigns has once again formed his Samoan supergroup, and is waging war with… Seth Rollins. Rollins has thrown away his gang of “luminaries” to once again be a solo anti-hero-esque babyface. Again.
The WWE’s main event scene is too safe, and the product is suffering from it. Cody, Punk, Rollins, and Reigns all trading belts every 9-12 months isn’t compelling. And without an Attitude Era writer’s room offering insanely over-the-top genre-pushing storylines? All Paul Leveque is proving is his brand of stock-owner-friendly creative is just a yawn with beards and snark. I know, I know. Beards? Snark? And Marc hates it? Look, kids. My schtick is MY SCHTICK. Not theirs.
Meanwhile, AEW also had some championship upheaval…
At the recent Beach Break episode of AEW’s Dynamite (their flagship Wednesday 3 hour show), my personal favorite wrestler — Maxwell Jacob Freidman — defended his BBB (big beautiful belt; the AEW Men’s Heavyweight Championship) against Kenny Omega. The juicy stipulation? If Omega lost… he could no longer vie for AEW’s top prize ever again. With AEW’s forthcoming “All In” event (their de facto Wrestlemania if you will) once again taking place in Wembley Stadium, the obvious main event on paper would be the reviled MJF facing off against recently returning hero (and Brit to boot), Will Ospreay. So, for many insider fans like myself? The interest was where Kenny would go after clearly losing to “Big Hebrew” for his third consecutive time.
And then he won.
First thing’s first: credit to Tony Khan for giving away this win on cable TV versus a pay per view. Credit too for surprising me with the swerved finish. And to triple that credit? I’ll even go so far as to say I understand the potential of Omega vs. Ospreay at Wembley being the bigger match. Without getting into the nuances of recent storylines — AEW really goes subtle with their non-fighty content — there’s a growing shade of grey to Mr. Ospreay that makes the upcoming match with Omega all the more tantalizing. And knowing on top of that MFJ will be lurking (and furious), along with a considerable handful of other contenders? Well, AEW is showing WWE what it means to open up the main event picture, and how to keep fan engagement high.
And how about a lightning round before we go back to the locker room?
- Word is Big Cass is headed back to WWE after being in the indies and AEW for eight years. There’s also a rumor Enzo Amore is coming with him. If Amore can keep his act together this time around? He and Cass might actually make the money they deserved to make long ago. I’m a fan of them together, so I’m hopeful!
- Danhausen ended his feud with The Miz and… the other guy…and has successfully moved on to business with the Judgement Day. I wish him continued time, attention, and all the monies.
- AEW’s women’s division continues to be less than when it’s sans Toni Storm. Her star power elevated every lady she stood across from. Current women’s champ Thekla can cut a decent promo, and is great in the ring… but no one she’s faced has been bettered for the bout. The soon-to-come All In match between her and fellow heel Mercedes Moné feel like Mercedes’ time to finally get the big one. I think she’ll be a better heel champ in the role, and can shine the babyfaces a wee bit better. Here’s hoping.
- Recently I saw a promo from Eddie Kingston that he’s “forcibly” becoming a locker room leader in Ring of Honor. I think it’s actually a smart move on Khan’s part. Eddie’s got a little left in the tank, and bringing young talent up suits him.
- The Hardcore Legend Mick Foley has also joined AEW — as an occasional on air commentator, facilitator of matches, and hopefully some backstage creative. I really hope we get a Foley / Bang-Bang Gang segment soon.
- Does the WWE have a tag team division anymore? Does AEW? I know they do on paper, but seemingly as of later neither company is utilizing their deep rosters and giving us any viable storylines. For the WWE? Predictable. But for AEW? A sullen disappointment.
- And lastly… I really hope Summerslam is Brock Lesnar’s last match. His involvement with the Janel Grant case is sickening. And the fact they’re just letting him bank bucks in a part time capacity is pathetic. Let Oba Femi maul him, get the shine he deserves, and let Lesnar go back to the farm and his eerily clone-like daughter.
Ring the bell, I’m out!


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