So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #015:  The first W in WWE stands for… What?

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #015: The first W in WWE stands for… What?

This past weekend marked the first, historic, monumental, astounding, amazing, never-happened-before* pay-per-view of all female­ talent in the world of professional wrestling sports entertainment. WWE Evolution was a rather enjoyable event that shined a positive light on one of the strongest brands in American television producing content today. The evening was chock full of messaging that spoke directly to little girls straight through to women to tell them that anything they want can be achieved. And in between these self-aggrandizing promos, there were some damn fine wrestling matches to enjoy.

But somewhere after the fourth or fifth of these interstitial talking heads, wherein the performer would choke up (rightfully so mind you) over the very notion that the ladies of the WWE would be given this time to shine… I began to sour. Again to be clear: not because the event wasn’t deserving of praise — but because WWE Evolution was not erected to right a wrong… it was a consolation prize for the WWE selling its soul.

For those who don’t religiously follow the ins and outs of the World Wrestling Entertainment company, allow me to spoil the surprise. WWE Evolution was created first and foremost as a PR move to appease the noisy internet smart-marks (think gatekeepers, only slightly less awful) who would rightfully (for once!) denote that the women of the WWE would not be allowed to perform with the company at the next pay-per-view event. One week after Evolution comes WWE Crown Jewel. Coming to you live this Friday from the King Saud University Stadium, in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. And in case you didn’t know? Women are not allowed to wrestle or perform in that particular country.

I won’t dive into the recent history here, if only to sum it up succinctly:

Vince McMahon accepted a ten year multi-million dollar contract with the Saudis to bring to them his oiled-up carnival several times a year. And not only would he deliver a standard show from his cavalcade of Cro-Magnon cohorts, no! Vincent Kennedy McMahon would succumb to any whim that the Crown Prince so desires.  Dust off the Undertaker? Sure! Unretire Shawn Michaels? Here’s a dump truck of money! Give the Rock the championship back? Well, it’s been reported by several outlets it’s been under consideration. And as a fan? It makes me sick.  Continue reading “So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #015: The first W in WWE stands for… What?”

The Smarky Six #006: Week of August 6th

The Smarky Six #006: Week of August 6th

Related imageHello and welcome back to yet-another listicle on pro wrestling! I mean Sports Entertainment. With only 2 weeks until the biggest party of the summer upon us… well… we got a whole boatload of wheel-spinning! Yippee. Let’s go over the week in the WWE, and see if we can separate the wheat from the chaff. Or the Rock from the Rocky as it were. The Stone Cold from the Ringmaster. The Undertaker from the Mean Mark. You get me, right, playa? Holla if you hear me. Actually, on second thought? Don’t.   Continue reading “The Smarky Six #006: Week of August 6th”

The Smarky Six #005: Week of July 30th

The Smarky Six #005: Week of July 30th

Image result for brock lesnar readingOh, I’m sorry. Was I supposed to write the top six stories that tickled my fancy, concerning the week in the WWE? I was just sitting here on my couch. Reading “Outdoors Heels Monthly”. Or was it “I’d Rather Be In UFC, But I Get Half a Million Bucks For Being Here Weekly”. Fine. Fine. Here’s your stories, jerks.

  1. Ignore. Ignore. Yell. F5. Choke out. Smirk. Yeah, that was well worth the money.

This is what constitutes story development these days in the WWE. They have a three hour show, and Brock Lesnar acts like an insolent child for 9/10ths of it. For this Vince McMahon needs to waste $500,000? While I totally get what the creative team was attempting — make Heel Lesnar Heel — frankly, I don’t want face Roman to get a pop because Brock is made to look annoyed. However… can I really complain? From Lesnar’s point of view, I’d be annoyed too. Against Lashley or Strowman? There’s story to mine. For his 807,957th battle with Rock-with-Rogain-but-nothing-else, we have no new angles to take. Is this the time Roman finally conquers the Beast? Are we seeing him train differently? Maybe attempting to expand his repertoire? No! He’s just same-old-cock-sure-snarky-Reigns.  Continue reading “The Smarky Six #005: Week of July 30th”

The Smarky Six #004: Week of July 23rd

The Smarky Six #004: Week of July 23rd

Yeah, it’s a few weeks old, but LOOK! Look how much they love their hero!

The road to The Biggest Party of the Summer starts here! What, you couldn’t hear or see my eyeroll? We’re a week and change into the build, and I’m already exhausted. This week we had some good, some bad, and some baby-tossing. Why don’t we unpack our bags and see what sticks to the floor, shall we?

  1. The Evolution pay per view is as historic an event as the war of 1813.

TNA/Impact and several other smaller feds have done all women wrestling shows for a while now. And how excited can we really be, knowing that in November of the year, the WWE will be back in woman-less Saudi Arabia for another show. Guess who can’t compete there? So, for as much as the brass in Stanford want to sound their flugelhorns of equality? Let’s keep in mind that the announcement is 2 solid steps forward and one continually regressing one back.

That being said? I look forward to the company having to actually make stories instead of 50/50 book their 2 women’s divisions for a while.  Continue reading “The Smarky Six #004: Week of July 23rd”