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Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind #002: Oldies But Baddies

Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind #002: Oldies But Baddies

Posted on by Mike Gold

Hey, kids! It’s pop quiz time!

Don’t worry, I know you didn’t study for this one. It’s O.K. There’s only one question, it’s multiple choice, and you’ve only got two answers to choose from. An orangutan could do it.

Question: You run the 1997 Miss Teen USA beauty pageant, so you assume a privilege that is normally perceived as against the law, against most scripture, and truly disgusting. It’s a twist on the fabled and arguably apocryphal jus primae noctis, a.k.a. the “right of the first night.” Here, I’ll make it easy for you. You walk into the dressing room while a bunch of contestants, all teen-age girls, are naked and you ogle away freely. Just to be clear, these girls are as young as 15. As the song says… they are jail bait. 

Upon discovery, one of the following happens to you:

a) You lose your job, are arrested and possibly convicted and imprisoned, are put on the sex offenders’ registry, are bankrupted by lawsuits, lawyers’ fees, judgments, and loss of income, and are heavily ostracized by your friends, business associates, the media and your family. (source: logic and history)

OR

b) 62,984,825 strategically-placed voters make you President of the United States of America. (source: CNN)

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Brainiac On Banjo #001: Back In The Saddle Again!

Brainiac On Banjo #001: Back In The Saddle Again!

Posted on by Mike Gold

For those who came in late: Well, hello there! After a nice half-year nap, I’ve gone back to the magic keyboard to unleash my innermost thoughts onto a weary public, now, here on this fabulous new site Pop Culture Squad! I have some concept of what’s likely to happen at PCS – we’re in “soft launch” mode right now and lots of weird and synapse-melting things are coming down the pike, particularly in the realm of multimedia.

If you’re new to my sundry waxings, you’ll catch on pretty quick. Brainiac On Banjo is a line the late great Vivian Stanshall uttered in the song “The Intro and the Outro” on the very first Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band album, and that’s the same record that gave Death Cab For Cutie its name.

As one might infer, Brainiac On Banjo is about the ever-broadening world of comic books and related media. I’ve had some experience laboring in those fields forever and ever – if we haven’t already, I’ll probably have something of a bio up on PCS soon, as in “after I’m told to write one.” I’m also involved in lotsa other shit, like the Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind radio show (see below), and I’ll indulging in my most offensive political fantasies right here on Pop Culture Squad starting this Thursday.

Be warned. It’s been quiet out there.

Too quiet.

I’m going to kick off the return of Brainiac On Banjo by doing something that might confuse or even startle long-time readers: I’m going to praise a DC Comics production without once writing about their unrequited passion for slapping the reboot button like a monkey in a crack experiment. Nope, not even once. Really.

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