So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #038: I quit the WWE (Mostly)

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #038: I quit the WWE (Mostly)

Let me jump ahead here to be clear: I wasn’t in a place financially to allow the indulgence of AEW’s “Double or Nothing” pay-per-view. And whatever leaked dirt-sheet reports from the smarks bellowing on how amazing it was preceded this article or my decision to no longer contribute to the WWE Network subscriber base. Cool? Cool.

There’s a large part of me that wants to write directly to the smark community right now. To drop all traditional pretense to mansplain in the nicest way possible, the brief history and factual evidence that led my decision and what built this article in the first place. I want to set it aside so I can fill my column inches with pure vitriol and spite.

But I’m older, wiser, and the bitterness isn’t such that I need to level a rant that sadistic anymore. Because while I freely admit I hate-canceled my WWE Network subscription… it was done with a whimper and a sigh. Let me tell you all a tale. Continue reading “So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #038: I quit the WWE (Mostly)”

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #028: The Ninth Wonder of the World

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #028: The Ninth Wonder of the World

With WrestleMania season slowly descending upon us (and go ahead and pencil in a column about that the week of the event, smart marks…), the roll out for the WWE’s Hall of Fame began this week with the news that Degeneration X would be the first of the class of 2019. Entering the hall for the stable will be Triple H, Shawn Michaels (his second Hall of Fame ring), “Bad Ass” Billy Gunn, “The Road Dogg” Jessie James… and Chyna. The news was mostly accepted with some fanfare. DX was the WWE’s answer to WCW’s NWO stable — and was instrumental in eventually helping McMahon’s company to topple the competition at the end of the Monday Night Wars.

In short: the smart marks have their panties in a bunch over the accolade specifically because Chyna herself hasn’t been inducted alone, as the singles star she was for the company. Many feel that this is a backhanded compliment to the late Joanie Laurer (Chyna’s real name) to let her in to the hall without truly recognizing her contributions to the WWE at large. Further to that point, Paul Levesque (WWE VP of Talent Relations and semi-retired professional wrestler Triple H) when asked year after year why Chyna has fallen to the wayside with a Hall of Fame induction, often cited Laurer’s complicated personal issues as muddying the waters to grant her with the tribute.

And with the fanfare of the announcement of induction-by-way-of-stable comes the controversy. And who would I be if I didn’t have an opinion to share on the matter?  Continue reading “So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #028: The Ninth Wonder of the World”

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #023: MOSTLY IN On AEW

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #023: MOSTLY IN On AEW

The siren’s song of Pro Wrasslin’ hath grabbed me again, and I’m unable to think about much else pop culture wise these days. The groundswell amongst smart marks such as myself is reaching a fever pitch over the announcements concerning AEW — All Elite Wrestling. Financially backed by the Shah family, helmed in-part by Cody Rhodes and the Young Bucks, with a growing talent roster highlighted by “Mr. Highlight Reel” himself, Chris Jericho. In short? AEW, more than any other promotion in the states, has the potential to be viable competition to the McMahon empire.

It’s not been this exciting as a fan since the Monday Night Wars… maybe, kinda, almost, hopefully.  Continue reading “So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #023: MOSTLY IN On AEW”

The Smarky Six #001: Week of July 2nd

The Smarky Six #001: Week of July 2nd

Oh, you didn’t know? Hello all my fellow smart marks. This here is the first in my new weekly series wherein I cover my Smarky Six of the week; six hard takes on this week in the WWE. Please denote, while I am a fan of all professional wrestling… honestly I only make time for Raw, Smackdown, and the PPV’s. I would love to do deep dives into 205 Live, NXT, New Japan, and all the indie stuff out there… But I’ll want your demand that I do it before I start investing my time, and limited energies. I mean, come on. I only have so much snark to smark about. Can you dig it, sucka?

 

As we make our way towards “Extreme Rules” here in the not-too-distant future, this week we saw several steps forward for a few decent storylines, as well as the all-too-usual steps backwards in other sagas. Let’s unpack this week in wrestling with my six snarky sentiments shouldered straight to the mat.

  1. Kevin Owens is being wasted, what a surprise!

On one hand, I shouldn’t complain; Kevin Owens was featured in multiple segments on Raw this week, and he (as always) nailed the comedy of the situation. On the other hand? I don’t particularly enjoy “the Prize Fighter” being reduced to a Port-O-Potty blue goo crash test dummy. It hardly even makes sense, from a story perspective. It’s clear as the shine on Bobby Lashley’s head that this is all a time waster while Brock Lesnar heards cattle in the mountains. The “Monster In The Bank” is literally just bullying someone because it makes him laugh. And because he’s over like rover (deservedly so!), the fans are eating this up. This all just leads me to the larger point: The Universal Title needs to be on RAW again. I have been nothing short of a Paul Heyman level apologist for Lesnar up through Mania. But at this point, sitting home for months on end does nothing for what should be a top prize of the company. And given that we saw both Braun and Samoa Joe eat clean losses to Lesnar? Any chance of Strowman stripping the Beast will barely come across as a monstrous victory. Way to shoot yourself in the foot, WWE. Oh, wasn’t this supposed to be about Kevin Owens? Meh. I’m sure he can listen to Shania Twain while I wrap this up. Next!

Continue reading “The Smarky Six #001: Week of July 2nd”