“Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah, ting, tang, walla, walla, bing, bang. Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah, ting, tang, walla, walla, bing, bang” From The Witch Doctor, written by Ross Bagdasarian.
Remember Baskin-Robbins? Don’t think too hard; 2400 of them are still around these “United” States, somehow surviving the lack of business from this writer. Nothing personal; I just have’t been there since well before their corporate brothers, Dunkin’ Nothing, still had time to make the donuts.
In their 80 years of selling ice cream, Baskin-Robbins claims to have invented more than 1,000 new flavors. Back during my tenure as an overheated child seeking a fix, each month they would pick one of these new items as their “featured flavor of the month.”
I’ve long thought they should have come up with a flavor called “Sorcerer Supreme.” Today, in order to be on-model such a confection would have to contain vast quantities of pistachio, mint chocolate chip and lime sherbet.
In case you haven’t noticed, the Sorcerer Supreme used to be Doctor Stephen Strange. Recently, Doctor Victor Von Doom swiped that mantle, leaving Stephen with his old title — and old powers — from back in the Steve Ditko days when he wore a blue cape and had the “Master of Mystic Arts” pedigree on his Sanctum Sanctorum wall.
It’s a fairly big deal, and everybody in the Marvel Universe who isn’t on Victor’s payroll seems to be very pissed. I’m guessing they’re not pissed at Doctor Doom. They’re pissed at having been drafted into still another event (DC calls them “Crises” or, now, “Absolute Bullshit”) where the outcome is obvious. Of course, these days both Marvel and DC have several — many — such “events” going simultaneously so that they might entice their clientele to spend a couple hundred dollars more than we were planning to. I believe this is why why DC licensed The Riddler out to DraftKings.
So Doom gets the heavy cape and, after six uneventful months of preparation, pretty much takes over all the functions of running Planet Earth. He’s cleaning up everything, all the while telling us he’s the most benevolent dictator the world has ever known. Doom is coming off like a Comics Code approved version of Donald Trump’s favorite wet dreams, except Doctor Doom doesn’t rape anybody. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: The Doctor Is Out”
