Lions, Dragons & Wolves #005: GoT S8E4 recap: Shipwreck Ya Self

Lions, Dragons & Wolves #005: GoT S8E4 recap: Shipwreck Ya Self

Warning: This recap contains nothing but spoilers for the latest episode of Game of Thrones. If you are reading this before seeing the episode “The Last of the Starks”, you are doing it wrong.

Continue reading “Lions, Dragons & Wolves #005: GoT S8E4 recap: Shipwreck Ya Self”

Lions, Dragons & Wolves #004:GoT S8E3 recap: The Battle of Winterfell

Lions, Dragons & Wolves #004:GoT S8E3 recap: The Battle of Winterfell

Warning: This recap contains nothing but spoilers for the latest episode of Game of Thrones. If you are reading this before seeing the episode “The Battle of Winterfell”, you are doing it wrong.

Continue reading “Lions, Dragons & Wolves #004:GoT S8E3 recap: The Battle of Winterfell”

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E13 “The Word” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E13 “The Word” Hot Take Recap

  • This is it! Just an hour left to this snuff film. I wonder if they’ll beat Hannah up in front of June for fun.
  • So, did June “plead for mercy” when SHE was accused of infidelity? Is that why she’s not at the bottom of a swimming pool? (Sorry, still making notes on the “previously on…”
  • Oh Martha. You treat EVERYONE like shit.
  • Great catch June! That Childwife WAS a total bitch. Writing in a bible. Thank God she’s chum.
  • Cry, Serena. Never stop crying.
  • Not gonna lie. Hulu’s “10 second rewind” allowed me to watch June smack Voldefred about a dozen times. Think I’ll watch it a few more.
  • I’m still not good with June’s “love” for Nick. So much of this feels false. She knows Luke is alive. She’s seen Hannah. So why can I not accept her feelings for Nick? Oh, cause he’s Nick.
  • Meanwhile in Stepford… the Wives “believe” in Gilead. So that their daughters may grow up… to not be literate. Subservient. And hey! If they accidentally fall in love with the wrong guy? Free swimming pass!
  • And now it’s time for sex with Bradley Whitford. This ought to be nightmarish. Least she brought a knife.
  • Something is really off with Whitford. In a good way. Yay! No sex. But somehow, that makes sense. And hey! Free knife.
  • “We, the conscripted Wives of you impotent idiots we helped usher into power, do ask that at like very least, we let the kids reads the bible. Mmm K?” Aww. Serena is trying to get smacked something fierce. Also? That was your chosen passage? Light in the darkness? C’mon, I thought you were the read brains in the family.
  • AWW MAN! Aunt Bitchbag stabbed and bitch-smacked?! It’s time for several dozen rewinds! NOW FINISH HER OFF!
  • “Call an ambulance! What have you done?” Bitch? Did you NOT see what I did when I stole a car? This was just for funsies.
  • No compassion given to Serena. Sew the seeds, enjoy your fruit, you childnapping thundercunt.
  • Make the Commander some tea, June. HOLD HIS FACE OVER THE OPEN BURNER. “Try for a boy this time…”
  • I hope Commander Bradley Whitford is going on a field trip to the airport, or Vegas or something. He’s all sorts of fun crazy. I was enjoying Annie Lennox…
  • THE MARTHAS ARE REVOLTING! THE MARTHAS ARE REVOLTING!
  • I’m half expecting a boss battle between June and Fred before she can escape. Again.
  • Or is it Nick fighting? Oh, Nick. Now I love you too.
  • Serena. SHE IS NOT YOUR GOD DAMNED BABY. I repeat it. She is not, nor ever was, or will be YOUR baby. Letting a woman be RAPED ritually on your lap, and repeating how much you love the baby never ever ever ever ever EVER gave you permission to STEAL HER as yours. Also? The Blessing of Aaron? Double-screw you. (That has very special importance to me. I do not like hearing it out of her vile mouth.)
  •  But hey. At least she let her go. So, that’s ONE good point for you. Don’t spend it too soon when you eventually burn in hell.
  • Thank god the baby is a sound sleeper.
  • “It will be written into the history books of the Underground Martha Railroad.”
  • Oh, yeah. Remember Luke? Awkward.
  • YAY! BRADLEY WHITFORD IS GOOD.
  • Hurray! So, June walks as if she hears the harrowing music playing. And… then…
  • I mean. What in the world? Is she going back to murder literally everyone? Because that’s like the only way I “get” that. Nick and the Martha’s just risked EVERYTHING! And I get it. Nicole / Holly / Whatever now has a chance. But, this show has made it clear: Season three will just be crueler than cruel. This is what I’ve been taught.
  • Oh well! Hope ya’ll enjoyed my ramblings.
The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E12 “Postpartum” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E12 “Postpartum” Hot Take Recap

  • No way out. Baby born. A jailed life may be better than being eaten by a wolf. The thumbnail to this episode alone — with Voldefred clutching what appears to be a baby in a blanket — fills me with dread. I know it won’t happen (because again, the thumbnail), but man, it’d be the bee’s knees if June awaited anyone to arrive in a vehicle. She lures them in with the baby. BOOM! Shotgun to their face. Steal running car. Get to Canada. Find Moira and Luke. Arm militia. Invade Gilead. Kill all commanders, wives, and Aunt Bitchbag. Save Hannah. Return to Canada. Live in peace. LET ME HAVE MY FANTASY, DAMNIT.
  • Kidnapper.
  • Go to hell Aunt Bitchbag. “I know this is difficult for you.” Go. To. Hell. Here. Have a fuck-muffin.
  • Nick’s alive! I don’t give a good God-damn.*
  • *Unless he literally murders the Waterfords. A lot.
  • There isn’t a punishment vile enough for literally everyone in the chapel. And yes, I get it. Lydia is trying to do the best in the worst situation. But it truly doesn’t matter to me at this point. The torture they are inflicted on June is such that I can’t think of a way where I DON’T want to have a full episode of Serena, Fred, and Lydia locked in a cage while June, and other handmaids are allowed throw stuff at them. Like dirty needles.
  • Meanwhile, elsewhere in Gilead, we’ve arrived at Commander … uhh… BRADLEY WHITFORD? Did he literally get picked up off the floor from “Get Out”?
  • And here I thought the Waterfords were the worst. They are. But at least they’ll have a wonderful dinner party with the rest of the child-stealing rapist families…
  • Hey! Childwife. Still don’t like you. At all. You brainwashed ninny.
  • “Our baby is so beautiful.” Oh Nick. Get a gun. And a car. Then shoot yourself. Give June the car.
  • This little roleplaying about Maui is making me nauseous.
  • Scream baby, scream. Because the crazy lady thinks she can have you because she wants you. She’s also feeding you a dry-ass titty. And that’s straight up mean.
  • Did Voldefred just ask for a I-let-you-see-your-child-before-stealing-your-second-child-blow-job?
  • By the looks of it, Bradley Whitford beats the crap out of his wife. I started typing this out before he literally dragged her out of the room. Someone get Martin Sheen to knock some sense into Josh!
  • “She wanted everything to be beautiful…” so, you know… marry Satan.
  • Whitford doesn’t drink the Kool-Ade. That’s what is most terrifying.
  • Welcome home, Childwife. Wait. Maybe she’ll be a Handmaid now! Yay!
  • Nevermind.
  • What… no goofy color-coded ceremony for this? Naw. Instead, we’ll just go ahead and watch two CHILDREN be murdered for the sin of love.
  • Cry, Serena. Cry for-fucking-ever. And then die. You STOLE a child. And continue to live in that sin until (I pray) you rot in hell. And I don’t even believe in hell.
  • One more episode to go in season 2. I pray for about 100 handmaid bombs.
The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E11 “Holly” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E11 “Holly” Hot Take Recap

  • The last episode really took a lot out of me, mentally. Tonight’s episode better just be an accidental rerun of Scrubs.
  • A minute in, and I fear I’m watching the end of the Shining.
  • Please, hilariously ironic deity who I don’t believe in… either let June know how to properly hotwire a car… or let this dire wolf she’s confronting be magical.
  • No offense. But who leaves car keys in end tables?
  • DRIVE TO CANADA JUNE.
  • I’ve learned enough by now. June will pull out of the garage to a tank ready to blow her up. Or, the Waterfords. Frick.
  • “I’m not leaving here without my baby.” … Once again, I’d like to state for the record: IT’S NOT YOUR BABY.
  • Listening to Serena and Voldefred fight tickles me in ways that make me feel giddy.
  • Wait. GUN. GUN! SWEET MOTHER MARY AND BITCHBAG A GUN.
  • OK. Now. Get in the car, and haul ass to Lollapallooza. Shoot anyone who gets in the way. And of course, we’ll start labor now.
  • I’m with June. Hospital. Eff all that Doula-hippy-crunchy-midwife birthing. #ImWithPatton
  • Gotta love that old world craftsmanship. But, June… keep that up and you’ll.. you know. Die.
  • I guess we havin’ a behbeh.
  • I think someone told me Elizabeth Moss won an Emmy for this show. I don’t know if that was for Season 1 or 2. But I sure as hell bet “Oh, you DIDN’T do a naked child-birthing scene?” came up when she was discussing challenging roles with her fellow nominees.
  • That baby sure came out clean. And what, no afterbirth? Wait, why the hell do I care if they show that?!
  • Also, this baby has already shown more emotion than the father. So, at least June passed on her humanity.
  • Welcome to the world, Holly. It sucks.
The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E9 “Smart Power” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E9 “Smart Power” Hot Take Recap

  • Martha is permanently stuck on sass-mode. Nothing deeper to report.
  • “Hi. I’m Issac. I like long walks on the beech. The writings of Levi. And this rifle.”
  • The Handmaid’s Tale is going to Canada! Wooooooo! Someone start a round of “If I Had A Million Dollars”!
  • And the award for deep-rooted irony goes to… Voldefred, for his “the Canadians need to know that you’re not an abused woman living in an oppressed society that YOU WERE TOTALLY IN-PART RESPONSIBLE FOR.”
  • Hey! Childwife made cookies. And HusbandBlankStare is sure… Nick.
  • Serena Joy sure is a bitch. “When the baby pops out, you gon’ bitch.” “Bu—” “Suck it, whore.”
  • Oh, hey! Luke woke the fuuuuuudge up when he saw his wife’s ritual rapist. YAY!
  • Moira… it’s time to learn strategic ninja star throwing.
  • That’s right, Serena. Gaze upon a metropolis filled with energy, life, words, love, and civility. It turns out you didn’t need to reduce society to some psuedo-Amish backwards-assed joyless patriarchy! Now, smile and be pretty for the meetings like a good bitch. (Get it. That’s a pun, because she’s an obedient female dog, and an ass!)
  • SICK GAY BURN, BRAH!
  • It’s hard not to make a thousand notes tonight. I’m sorry. DID THEY JUST GIVE HER A PICTURE-GRAM SCHEDULE?! Ha! I mean, I literally paused on her grimace just to soak it up.
  • Unwoman. Gun to the temple. I’m rewinding to Serena’s face.
  • Won’t even share the elevator with her. Suck it, Housefrau Bitchface. You are amidst free people.
  • Take the treason and coconuts, idiot. WHO KNEW THAT SCIENCE TRUMPS YOUR DOPEY FAKE RELIGION. I love Mr. America. He’s cruel in the BEST way.
  • Childwife… meet Childsoldier. Ya’ll should make with the sex.
  • Hey! BlandMartha. Poison the Waterfords.
  • Mark it down. It’s the first time I have ever loved Luke. I may never again. Oh, and screw off, Nick.
  • Aunt Bitchbag loves the children. Doesn’t think much of women. But lerves her some berbers.
  • Diplomacy over, bitches. Serena’s face? I could bathe in her sadness and shame.
  • You had me until the God Bless America sing-a-long. Just… no. Stop it.
  • Look upon your closet of teal, and weep… thundercunt.
  • Poor Nick. Now you know June likes em tall, dark, and mildly Canadian.
You S1E2 Last Nice Guy In New York Hot Take Recap

You S1E2 Last Nice Guy In New York Hot Take Recap

Joe is obviously a psychopath right? He’s basically post-grad Dan Humphries (because being Gossip Girl is pretty stalker craycray when you step back and look at it gross)

Looks like he might have an interesting backstory tho.

Oh Benji, you are so wrong. He is so a killer and you just don’t know you’re dead yet.

Rich people, amirite?

Except in Frankenstein you truly sympathize with the monster, this show notsomuch.

Oh Peach, you just put yourself in the crosshairs…

Who keeps the phone?? And leaves it on with the battery in it? This is obviously not Joe’s first rodeo, he’d know better.

Pretty sure I don’t like a single person on this show, Greg Bertilani you’ve let me down for once…

Greenleaf S3E2: The Space Between Recap

Greenleaf S3E2: The Space Between Recap

The Greenleafs have all that help: cook, maids, security but Charity still doesn’t have a nanny??

Uh oh Jabari isn’t looking like such a prince…

Now that she’s got all the facts, Grace is DONE taking her mother’s condescension

Zora just might be transitioning from “wild child” to “bad seed”