Tag: professional wrestling

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #015:  The first W in WWE stands for… What?

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #015: The first W in WWE stands for… What?

This past weekend marked the first, historic, monumental, astounding, amazing, never-happened-before* pay-per-view of all female­ talent in the world of professional wrestling sports entertainment. WWE Evolution was a rather enjoyable event that shined a positive light on one of the strongest brands in American television producing content today. The evening was chock full of messaging that spoke directly to little girls straight through to women to tell them that anything they want can be achieved. And in between these self-aggrandizing promos, there were some damn fine wrestling matches to enjoy.

But somewhere after the fourth or fifth of these interstitial talking heads, wherein the performer would choke up (rightfully so mind you) over the very notion that the ladies of the WWE would be given this time to shine… I began to sour. Again to be clear: not because the event wasn’t deserving of praise — but because WWE Evolution was not erected to right a wrong… it was a consolation prize for the WWE selling its soul.

For those who don’t religiously follow the ins and outs of the World Wrestling Entertainment company, allow me to spoil the surprise. WWE Evolution was created first and foremost as a PR move to appease the noisy internet smart-marks (think gatekeepers, only slightly less awful) who would rightfully (for once!) denote that the women of the WWE would not be allowed to perform with the company at the next pay-per-view event. One week after Evolution comes WWE Crown Jewel. Coming to you live this Friday from the King Saud University Stadium, in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. And in case you didn’t know? Women are not allowed to wrestle or perform in that particular country.

I won’t dive into the recent history here, if only to sum it up succinctly:

Vince McMahon accepted a ten year multi-million dollar contract with the Saudis to bring to them his oiled-up carnival several times a year. And not only would he deliver a standard show from his cavalcade of Cro-Magnon cohorts, no! Vincent Kennedy McMahon would succumb to any whim that the Crown Prince so desires.  Dust off the Undertaker? Sure! Unretire Shawn Michaels? Here’s a dump truck of money! Give the Rock the championship back? Well, it’s been reported by several outlets it’s been under consideration. And as a fan? It makes me sick.  Continue reading “So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #015: The first W in WWE stands for… What?”

Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart (1955-2018)

Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart (1955-2018)

Continue reading “Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart (1955-2018)”

The Smarky Six #006: Week of August 6th

The Smarky Six #006: Week of August 6th

Related imageHello and welcome back to yet-another listicle on pro wrestling! I mean Sports Entertainment. With only 2 weeks until the biggest party of the summer upon us… well… we got a whole boatload of wheel-spinning! Yippee. Let’s go over the week in the WWE, and see if we can separate the wheat from the chaff. Or the Rock from the Rocky as it were. The Stone Cold from the Ringmaster. The Undertaker from the Mean Mark. You get me, right, playa? Holla if you hear me. Actually, on second thought? Don’t.   Continue reading “The Smarky Six #006: Week of August 6th”

The Smarky Six #005: Week of July 30th

The Smarky Six #005: Week of July 30th

Image result for brock lesnar readingOh, I’m sorry. Was I supposed to write the top six stories that tickled my fancy, concerning the week in the WWE? I was just sitting here on my couch. Reading “Outdoors Heels Monthly”. Or was it “I’d Rather Be In UFC, But I Get Half a Million Bucks For Being Here Weekly”. Fine. Fine. Here’s your stories, jerks.

  1. Ignore. Ignore. Yell. F5. Choke out. Smirk. Yeah, that was well worth the money.

This is what constitutes story development these days in the WWE. They have a three hour show, and Brock Lesnar acts like an insolent child for 9/10ths of it. For this Vince McMahon needs to waste $500,000? While I totally get what the creative team was attempting — make Heel Lesnar Heel — frankly, I don’t want face Roman to get a pop because Brock is made to look annoyed. However… can I really complain? From Lesnar’s point of view, I’d be annoyed too. Against Lashley or Strowman? There’s story to mine. For his 807,957th battle with Rock-with-Rogain-but-nothing-else, we have no new angles to take. Is this the time Roman finally conquers the Beast? Are we seeing him train differently? Maybe attempting to expand his repertoire? No! He’s just same-old-cock-sure-snarky-Reigns.  Continue reading “The Smarky Six #005: Week of July 30th”

The  Smarky Six #003: Week of July 16th

The Smarky Six #003: Week of July 16th

Orton overwhelms his wounded rival.
© 2018 WWE

So “Extreme Rules” was… not half bad! Letting Dolph and Seth close the show continued the elevate the only mens title on RAW. AJ’s match with Rusev made both competitors look strong (but put a pin in that). And hey, the B Team getting the tag straps? They deserved it (clap clap clapclapclap).

Of course the week in episodic wrestling did much to spin the wheels out of Sunday and turn our focus directly to “the biggest party of the summer!”. Let’s unspool this ball of yarn and pull out six hard takes to carry us into the next week, shall we?

  1. Brock Lesnar loves the WWE like I love a good colonoscopy.

Oh, Paul E. Dangerously… I can’t quit you! But lord I can quit your client. I do not buy the poop you’re shoveling, Mister Heyman. Brock Lesnar doesn’t love the WWE. The Beast Incarnate is only about 4 things: Eat. Sleep. Extort promotions for an insane amount of money to see him compete, because, yes we all acknowledge he has both a look and prowess in combat sports that is mesmerizing to see, however ultimately he is at this point only delivering a repeat of the same tried-and-true by-the-numbers performance time and again, and his time with the WWE Universal Title has ultimately grown stale because of his inability to care long enough to sell us the match. Repeat. Continue reading “The Smarky Six #003: Week of July 16th”

The Smarky Six #002: Week of July 9th

The Smarky Six #002: Week of July 9th

“Extreme Rules” is tomorrow kiddos. And boy howdy am I excited! Actually? I’m not really. I’m not not excited. After a week of ups and downs (sorry, Simon at WhatCulture!), I wound up feeling like both RAW and Smackdown had one PPV quality match each on their cards, surround by “go home” chum. Let’s unpack the week with six observations I pulled out from Kane’s Pyro. Don’t worry, Daniel Bryan set them off for me.

Continue reading “The Smarky Six #002: Week of July 9th”

The Smarky Six #001: Week of July 2nd

The Smarky Six #001: Week of July 2nd

Oh, you didn’t know? Hello all my fellow smart marks. This here is the first in my new weekly series wherein I cover my Smarky Six of the week; six hard takes on this week in the WWE. Please denote, while I am a fan of all professional wrestling… honestly I only make time for Raw, Smackdown, and the PPV’s. I would love to do deep dives into 205 Live, NXT, New Japan, and all the indie stuff out there… But I’ll want your demand that I do it before I start investing my time, and limited energies. I mean, come on. I only have so much snark to smark about. Can you dig it, sucka?

 

As we make our way towards “Extreme Rules” here in the not-too-distant future, this week we saw several steps forward for a few decent storylines, as well as the all-too-usual steps backwards in other sagas. Let’s unpack this week in wrestling with my six snarky sentiments shouldered straight to the mat.

  1. Kevin Owens is being wasted, what a surprise!

On one hand, I shouldn’t complain; Kevin Owens was featured in multiple segments on Raw this week, and he (as always) nailed the comedy of the situation. On the other hand? I don’t particularly enjoy “the Prize Fighter” being reduced to a Port-O-Potty blue goo crash test dummy. It hardly even makes sense, from a story perspective. It’s clear as the shine on Bobby Lashley’s head that this is all a time waster while Brock Lesnar heards cattle in the mountains. The “Monster In The Bank” is literally just bullying someone because it makes him laugh. And because he’s over like rover (deservedly so!), the fans are eating this up. This all just leads me to the larger point: The Universal Title needs to be on RAW again. I have been nothing short of a Paul Heyman level apologist for Lesnar up through Mania. But at this point, sitting home for months on end does nothing for what should be a top prize of the company. And given that we saw both Braun and Samoa Joe eat clean losses to Lesnar? Any chance of Strowman stripping the Beast will barely come across as a monstrous victory. Way to shoot yourself in the foot, WWE. Oh, wasn’t this supposed to be about Kevin Owens? Meh. I’m sure he can listen to Shania Twain while I wrap this up. Next!

Continue reading “The Smarky Six #001: Week of July 2nd”

5 Reasons Pro-Wrestling Isn’t Cool Anymore… But Has Never Been Better

5 Reasons Pro-Wrestling Isn’t Cool Anymore… But Has Never Been Better

Professional Wrestling has lived through several golden eras up until now. The Rock N’ Wrestling era of the 1980’s saw the birth of Hulkamania, the rise of the Ultimate Warrior, and implosion of the Mega Powers. Soon Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, The Million Dollar Man, and Junkyard Dog became household names – if only in the mouths of young boys and their cantankerous fathers who watched with the same amount of love for the sports entertainment brainchild of Vince McMahon.

Continue reading “5 Reasons Pro-Wrestling Isn’t Cool Anymore… But Has Never Been Better”