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Brainiac On Banjo: Tiny Heroes Vs Tiny Minds

Brainiac On Banjo: Tiny Heroes Vs Tiny Minds

Posted on by Mike Gold

Now Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign your children have waited to see. The morning will come when the world is mine; tomorrow belongs to me. “Tomorrow Belongs To Me,” written by John Kander for the play “Cabaret.”

I loathe going to movies alone. If the flick is great, I wanna talk about it. If the flick sucks, I wanna commiserate with a friend. Most movies are somewhere in between, and if I picked the right companion the after-movie discussion can be better than the viewing experience itself. In seeing Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania, I was joined by my dear friend Martha Thomases, of DC and Marvel fame. We’ve enjoyed some great movies together, although some would be defined by critics as shitty.

Is a movie shitty even if you had a good time? Well, perhaps by consensus, but that should not humble your experience retroactively. Portal-to-portal, going out to the movies these days is an expensive proposition: the old phrase “coming soon to a theater near you” is obsolete because the vast majority of humanity no longer lives near a movie theater (Martha is a lucky exception). So when you add up all of your expenses, assuming you are willing to pay the going theater rate for a quarter’s worth of pop corn, seeing any movie in the theater is likely to cost the better part of a mortgage payment. Of course, those few surviving movie palaces of yesteryear are now showing live theater and kinda-live concerts, so we’ve got to shoehorn ourselves into little boxes made of ticky-tacky and endure twenty minutes of commercials before we get to the trailers.

But it’s a choice we, as the paying audience, choose to make. Not so much the movie critics. They have to see damn near everything, and I sympathize. They’ve been subjected to so many flickering images it’s a wonder they’re not all epileptics. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Tiny Heroes Vs Tiny Minds” →

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #081: Tired of your Marvel Malaise

So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #081: Tired of your Marvel Malaise

Posted on by Marc Alan Fishman

The murmurs and mumbles of mediocrity started as early as Thor 2: The Dark World. They got louder with Black Widow. Louder still with Eternals. Then came the ire and fanboy rage over She-Hulk. And now it’s perhaps getting a bit too loud over Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania. 

I’m sick of it.

In my day (shh, Mike Gold. Shh.) comic book movies were — at best — loud, kitschy affairs. For every Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or ’89 Batman… we also got Howard the Duck, Superman III and IV, and Captain America. In the 90’s, Batman plummeted in quality, and was met by early CGI nightmares like Spawn, or obnoxious barely-based-on-their-source popcorn flicks like Judge Dredd or Tank Girl. And while these films were watchable… they were hardly of a caliber that one could present opposite more lucrative blockbuster sci-fi and action romps.

And then came Marvel.

It started unassumingly with Blade. Unlike so many neon-lit counterparts released prior… Blade felt like a horror action-movie. It was clearly inspired by the comic book origins and broad strokes of the character, but made smart choices in costuming, sets, and the watered-down plot. It wasn’t hokey. It was a blueprint.

1998’s Blade begat Bryan Singer’s X-Men. Similar to the vampire hunter… these were well-dressed (“what, you’d prefer yellow spandex?”) superheroes with well-thought-out effect work that made their mutant abilities feel believable. Combine this with the gravitas and star power of Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellan, and slowly but surely, the zeitgeist was changing. 

Take a side-step from the mainstream, and you could see Hollywood begin to lean into the pulp and paper world. Ghost World, From Hell, Road to Perdition, and my personal favorite American Splendor showcased that comics beyond the punchy kind would also be applicable to mainstream (if a bit arty) America. But I digress.  Continue reading “So Long and Thanks for the Fish, Man #081: Tired of your Marvel Malaise” →

Brainiac On Banjo: Superman and the Dingleberries of Society!

Posted on by Mike Gold

Number forty-seven said to number three: You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see. I sure would be delighted with your company, Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me. — “Jailhouse Rock, by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, 1957.

Bill Maher has a segment on his show called “I Don’t Know It For a Fact, I Just Know It’s True.” Here’s my contribution.

The smaller your mind, the more likely it is to fall out your nose. This is why you’re called “blowhards.”

Case in point: the pathetically predictable response to Jon Kent’s coming out as bisexual. You’d think they discovered a couple dozen missing votes for Trump.

Ignoring the facts that Jon Kent is a fictional character, that the audience is familiar with the concept of bisexuality and aren’t likely to “convert” anybody just because a comic book character kissed a member of his own sex, and that the only thing that noticeably drives comic book sales is its perceived collectability, it’s kind of amazing that so many fools totally lost their little minds when they heard this story.

Don’t get me wrong: I enjoy watching people like Tucker Carlson go apeshit over “dog bites man” stories, although it’s becoming as boring as it has been predictable. If they think this is a recruitment issue for the White supremacists that are in our face 24/7, they’re preaching to their own choir. To be fair, these self-absorbed dingleberries of society are indeed the only ones who would listen.

Since I love tossing rock lyrics around, let me assure you Pete Townshend was right. “This is no social crisis. Just another tricky day. You’ll get through.” I don’t think Warner Media execs or even AT&T stockholders will, to quote Flo and Eddie, “pull their heads out of their own puke” over this one. It won’t kill their Discovery deal.

These toadlickers are still pissed that Heimdall has been played by a Black man in the Marvel movies for a bit more than a decade. To them, that’s heresy… which is weird, as American White supremacy is a movement that appears to mostly attract Christians (but no, not the other way around; give me a break). However, every controversy is fraught with comedic potential: I explain to these numbskulls that, given the turf and the times, Jesus Christ absolutely had to be Black — so why not Heimdall? Then I watch the nuclear cloud blow the top off of their bald, teensy brain pans.

Yet, somehow, these same neverlaids get stimulated by Joan Jett’s cover version of “Crimson and Clover.”

My advice to Jon Kent, who I remind you is a fictional character, is to fly above the bullshit. You know these psychopaths are simply jealous.

And, yes, my tighty-Whities. I did start this one with a Bill Maher reference just to piss you off. Like I said, you’re pathetically predictable.

(Mike Gold will be joining our own Bob Harrison as guests at the Baltimore Comic-Con, October 22 through 24, at — go know — the Baltimore Convention Center. If you would like to discuss the above words of wisdom, remember: you’ll be in public, even if you’re wearing a mask.)

With Further Ado #143: Guest Column Contest Second Runner-Up – Make Mine Marvel Movies

With Further Ado #143: Guest Column Contest Second Runner-Up – Make Mine Marvel Movies

Posted on by Ed Catto

At Ithaca College, the class Promoting and Managing ITHACON was presented with an assignment. They were challenged to write a guest column for this space. The submissions were varied and showed that the student writers gave the assignment a lot of thought and effort. Some of the topics that were tackled were surprising and made the reviewers challenge some of their own perspectives.

In the end, we found that there were three spectacular entries that we will post over the next three weeks. The second runner-up entry will be published first. It is by Jordan Green and it made our little old fanboy hearts well up with joy.

 

With Further Ado Writing Assignment

by Jordan Green

Marvel Entertainment has a special place in my heart. When the first Iron Man movie was released, I was nine years old. Today, I am 22 years old and cannot think about my life without reflecting on the impact Marvel Entertainment has had on me. My father used to read Marvel comic books growing up, but that love for reading comic books was not passed on to me. Marvel Entertainment found a way to close that gap between my father and I by creating so many amazing movies and series that have created long lasting moments in my life. Marvel Entertainment has created numerous fantastic projects that have impacted my life in ways both in and outside the movie theater.

The first Marvel movie that I remember watching was Captain America: The First Avenger. It is a fantastic introduction to Steve Rogers and how he became an American hero. History has always been one of my favorite classes in school, so having a story based in the second World War immediately grabbed my attention. Chris Evans was perfect for the role of Captain America, getting better with each new movie that incorporated my favorite Avenger. Captain America: The Winter Soldier is one of my favorite movies of all time, not just Marvel movies. Joe and Anthony Russo perfectly brought Captain America into the present day and made a then 15-year-old Jordan love Captain America even more.

Starting the movie off with the “On your left” scene was fantastic at setting the expectations of fans everywhere and introducing fans to a new Avenger, one that will have a [current] Disney+ series. The elevator fight scene from Winter Soldier is one of the coolest action sequences I have ever watched. I was on Captain America’s side in Captain America: Civil War and further loved what the Russo Brothers did with his character arc in Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame. The Russo Brothers were able to show how a military hero lost faith in authority. I loved the ending Captain America was given in Avengers: Endgame. Every time I watch Captain America dance with Peggy Carter, I tear up. Steve Rogers finally got to have a dance with the love of his life after being denied that opportunity for so many years because of his heroic sacrifice. This was the ending to his story arc that I wanted for him. I truly loved Captain America’s character arc throughout the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Marvel Entertainment has helped grow many of my relationships with family and friends. I remember seeing Avengers: Age of Ultron with my father and older brother in theaters. I remember the group of friends I saw Infinity War and Endgame in theaters with, and how much closer it brought us. Both movies were released on Fridays, and once all of us finished classes, we drove as fast as we could to the movie theater to get afternoon tickets to see these blockbusters. After seeing Infinity War, I frequently heard my friends quoting funny moments from the movie when we all spent time together. One of my best friends that I saw these movies with is incredibly tall, so we nicknamed him “Groot” based on the character from Guardians of the Galaxy. That made “I am Groot, I am Steve Rogers” even funnier every time that quote was referenced. This was one of the many moments that Marvel Entertainment helped strengthen my relationships with family and friends.

The sheer shock and awe in the theater during each of these movies are experiences I will never forget. Some of the moments I remember the most were Thor’s entrance in Infinity War, Captain America hoisting Mjolnir in Endgame, and the emergence of the blipped heroes from portals before the final battle in Endgame. It was too perfect that the Russo Brothers referenced Winter Soldier with Falcon saying “On your left” to Captain America. People in the fully packed theaters started clapping during these moments, which usually is highly disliked, but felt acceptable at the time. I look back on these experiences with a great deal of fondness, thinking about these moments as all-time life experiences I will tell my future children. As I write this during the COVID-19 pandemic, I wish I could relive these experiences again. I grew up with the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and my life would be drastically different

 

Editor’s Notes:

This type of fandom and excitement about pop culture is what we strive to support here. Thank you to Jordan for sharing your feelings about the MCU.

Also, Jordan submitted this before The Falcon and the Winter Soldier premiered on Disney+. We are very interested in what they think of the show. Maybe Jordan will come back with a guest review column if we can convince them.