WWE, buddy. Have a seat. No, no, don’t run for the door. This needs to happen. I know you’re busy! What with your WWE Backlash PPV absolutely being panned across the web, fan sentiment falling faster than Doink’s pants once did, and your mothership becoming (somehow) even more hated than Vince McMahon. But, c’mon kid. You’re in a safe space. It’s time we go ahead and address a few things. Clear the air. And yes… this is your Performance Improvement Plan. 

Let’s go ahead and warm things up a bit with what you’re doing right, mmk?

I know it’s creating a bit of controversy among certain former colleagues of ours online… but I’m going to commend you thus far on your use of Danhausen. He’s moving plenty of merch. His pairing with Miz right out of the gate was a smart first feud. I’m going to warn you though… don’t blow this. The match at Backlash was getting some pre-show buzz with the thought of Mr. Hausen tagging with any number of stars not on the bill that night. With only five (!) matches on the card, you had stars like Oba Femi, Joe Hendry, Je’Von Evans, or Pepsi Phil himself, CM Punk all without anything to do on a nice Saturday night. Instead, you continued this narrative of Danhausen’s minhausens. I hate to be the bearer of bad news here… Dan is over. The minis? Not so much. It’s playing to the kids a bit much, and while I applaud the attempt? Danhausen is peak when he has more to play off of. And hey… much love to El Torito. He’s an amazing performer. But the dime store gear looked awful, and it slid the match into the kind of “ha ha” that you’re not needing. 

And hey, kid. Good job with putting over Bron Breakker and Trick Williams. They are both young, with a ton of upside. Letting them beat some ring vets like Rollins and Zayn helps them continue to establish themselves — and sets us up for hopefully some new storylines. 

Giving Iyo Sky and Asuka proper time to tell a great story in the ring was also a nice play. Good on you. And while you’re being coy as to whether or not this was the curtain call for The Empress of Tomorrow… I’m sure we’ll know soon enough. She’s got a hall of fame career, and you did right by her. No notes.

I’ll get to Roman Reigns in a bit. He’s part of a much larger concern we need to discuss.  Continue reading “So Long and Thank For The Fish, Man #115: WWE, We Need to Talk.” →