“I don’t drink beer cause it doesn’t make me feel well, and I need every brain cell I’ve been given. And I don’t drink beer, I don’t mean to be overcautious, but the bitter taste makes me nauseous. I don’t drink beer.” From I Don’t Drink Beer, written by Tim Hawkins.

Just as the song above suggests, I do not drink beer… pretty much for the reasons Tim Hawkins noted. Besides, I’ve got low blood pressure and the one time I got drunk I just sat glowering in the corner and frightening the hell out of my friends. I was sixteen at that time, and that’s one of the few life lessons I’ve kept rattling around in my brainpan for the past six decades. However, like most everything that the Swells had deemed low-class, I fully appreciate beer culture.

Back in my sainted hometown of Chicago, just 90 miles south from the town that Schlitz thinks it made famous, the brewer built fifty “tied-houses” between 1897 and 1905 — saloons that sold only Schlitz beer — throughout the Midwest. The architecture was such that a large Schlitz logo was built into the motif and were decorated in colored terracotta. 10 such tied-houses remain in Chicago to this day, and on this day, not a one is serving Schlitz at all.

Granted, most haven’t served beer in years, but those that are still selling suds aren’t serving the beer that made Milwaukee famous. Schlitz went blooie this past weekend. Continue reading “Brainiac On Banjo: Schlitz Hits The Fan” →