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The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E13 “The Word” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E13 “The Word” Hot Take Recap

Posted on by Marc Alan Fishman
  • This is it! Just an hour left to this snuff film. I wonder if they’ll beat Hannah up in front of June for fun.
  • So, did June “plead for mercy” when SHE was accused of infidelity? Is that why she’s not at the bottom of a swimming pool? (Sorry, still making notes on the “previously on…”
  • Oh Martha. You treat EVERYONE like shit.
  • Great catch June! That Childwife WAS a total bitch. Writing in a bible. Thank God she’s chum.
  • Cry, Serena. Never stop crying.
  • Not gonna lie. Hulu’s “10 second rewind” allowed me to watch June smack Voldefred about a dozen times. Think I’ll watch it a few more.
  • I’m still not good with June’s “love” for Nick. So much of this feels false. She knows Luke is alive. She’s seen Hannah. So why can I not accept her feelings for Nick? Oh, cause he’s Nick.
  • Meanwhile in Stepford… the Wives “believe” in Gilead. So that their daughters may grow up… to not be literate. Subservient. And hey! If they accidentally fall in love with the wrong guy? Free swimming pass!
  • And now it’s time for sex with Bradley Whitford. This ought to be nightmarish. Least she brought a knife.
  • Something is really off with Whitford. In a good way. Yay! No sex. But somehow, that makes sense. And hey! Free knife.
  • “We, the conscripted Wives of you impotent idiots we helped usher into power, do ask that at like very least, we let the kids reads the bible. Mmm K?” Aww. Serena is trying to get smacked something fierce. Also? That was your chosen passage? Light in the darkness? C’mon, I thought you were the read brains in the family.
  • AWW MAN! Aunt Bitchbag stabbed and bitch-smacked?! It’s time for several dozen rewinds! NOW FINISH HER OFF!
  • “Call an ambulance! What have you done?” Bitch? Did you NOT see what I did when I stole a car? This was just for funsies.
  • No compassion given to Serena. Sew the seeds, enjoy your fruit, you childnapping thundercunt.
  • Make the Commander some tea, June. HOLD HIS FACE OVER THE OPEN BURNER. “Try for a boy this time…”
  • I hope Commander Bradley Whitford is going on a field trip to the airport, or Vegas or something. He’s all sorts of fun crazy. I was enjoying Annie Lennox…
  • THE MARTHAS ARE REVOLTING! THE MARTHAS ARE REVOLTING!
  • I’m half expecting a boss battle between June and Fred before she can escape. Again.
  • Or is it Nick fighting? Oh, Nick. Now I love you too.
  • Serena. SHE IS NOT YOUR GOD DAMNED BABY. I repeat it. She is not, nor ever was, or will be YOUR baby. Letting a woman be RAPED ritually on your lap, and repeating how much you love the baby never ever ever ever ever EVER gave you permission to STEAL HER as yours. Also? The Blessing of Aaron? Double-screw you. (That has very special importance to me. I do not like hearing it out of her vile mouth.)
  •  But hey. At least she let her go. So, that’s ONE good point for you. Don’t spend it too soon when you eventually burn in hell.
  • Thank god the baby is a sound sleeper.
  • “It will be written into the history books of the Underground Martha Railroad.”
  • Oh, yeah. Remember Luke? Awkward.
  • YAY! BRADLEY WHITFORD IS GOOD.
  • Hurray! So, June walks as if she hears the harrowing music playing. And… then…
  • I mean. What in the world? Is she going back to murder literally everyone? Because that’s like the only way I “get” that. Nick and the Martha’s just risked EVERYTHING! And I get it. Nicole / Holly / Whatever now has a chance. But, this show has made it clear: Season three will just be crueler than cruel. This is what I’ve been taught.
  • Oh well! Hope ya’ll enjoyed my ramblings.
The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E12 “Postpartum” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E12 “Postpartum” Hot Take Recap

Posted on by Marc Alan Fishman
  • No way out. Baby born. A jailed life may be better than being eaten by a wolf. The thumbnail to this episode alone — with Voldefred clutching what appears to be a baby in a blanket — fills me with dread. I know it won’t happen (because again, the thumbnail), but man, it’d be the bee’s knees if June awaited anyone to arrive in a vehicle. She lures them in with the baby. BOOM! Shotgun to their face. Steal running car. Get to Canada. Find Moira and Luke. Arm militia. Invade Gilead. Kill all commanders, wives, and Aunt Bitchbag. Save Hannah. Return to Canada. Live in peace. LET ME HAVE MY FANTASY, DAMNIT.
  • Kidnapper.
  • Go to hell Aunt Bitchbag. “I know this is difficult for you.” Go. To. Hell. Here. Have a fuck-muffin.
  • Nick’s alive! I don’t give a good God-damn.*
  • *Unless he literally murders the Waterfords. A lot.
  • There isn’t a punishment vile enough for literally everyone in the chapel. And yes, I get it. Lydia is trying to do the best in the worst situation. But it truly doesn’t matter to me at this point. The torture they are inflicted on June is such that I can’t think of a way where I DON’T want to have a full episode of Serena, Fred, and Lydia locked in a cage while June, and other handmaids are allowed throw stuff at them. Like dirty needles.
  • Meanwhile, elsewhere in Gilead, we’ve arrived at Commander … uhh… BRADLEY WHITFORD? Did he literally get picked up off the floor from “Get Out”?
  • And here I thought the Waterfords were the worst. They are. But at least they’ll have a wonderful dinner party with the rest of the child-stealing rapist families…
  • Hey! Childwife. Still don’t like you. At all. You brainwashed ninny.
  • “Our baby is so beautiful.” Oh Nick. Get a gun. And a car. Then shoot yourself. Give June the car.
  • This little roleplaying about Maui is making me nauseous.
  • Scream baby, scream. Because the crazy lady thinks she can have you because she wants you. She’s also feeding you a dry-ass titty. And that’s straight up mean.
  • Did Voldefred just ask for a I-let-you-see-your-child-before-stealing-your-second-child-blow-job?
  • By the looks of it, Bradley Whitford beats the crap out of his wife. I started typing this out before he literally dragged her out of the room. Someone get Martin Sheen to knock some sense into Josh!
  • “She wanted everything to be beautiful…” so, you know… marry Satan.
  • Whitford doesn’t drink the Kool-Ade. That’s what is most terrifying.
  • Welcome home, Childwife. Wait. Maybe she’ll be a Handmaid now! Yay!
  • Nevermind.
  • What… no goofy color-coded ceremony for this? Naw. Instead, we’ll just go ahead and watch two CHILDREN be murdered for the sin of love.
  • Cry, Serena. Cry for-fucking-ever. And then die. You STOLE a child. And continue to live in that sin until (I pray) you rot in hell. And I don’t even believe in hell.
  • One more episode to go in season 2. I pray for about 100 handmaid bombs.
The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E6 “First Blood” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E6 “First Blood” Hot Take Recap

Posted on by Marc Alan Fishman
  • Not going to lie. I sat down to watch tonight and thought “I totally don’t remember the big cliffhanger from last night.” and then a millisecond into the “previously on”, then remembered everything. Getting ice cream now.
  • “Mrs. Waterford… your baby is moving around in there!”— Oh blow it out your ass Dr. Fuckyourself.
  • I haven’t read the books, and I’m sure this would change the trajectory of so much, but I had a fleeting thought. If Nick had been black, and the baby came out beautifully mixed… the whole of Gilead would have to swallow that Fred’s loins are for crap. Of course that I say that NOW I imagine they’d raise THAT child in a locked tower. So, never mind. I’ll go back to my ice cream. I’m sorry, Aunt Lydia.
  • YEAH. MAKE ME SOME SOUP… BITCH.
  • So, they’re making a new larger center to subjugate women. Lovely. I can’t wait to see the all-marble rape rooms.
  • “Do you want to know the secret?” Sure, childwife. “I put pop rocks in them.” I DO love the guilt-ridden corpse face of Nick though.
  • I think I get it now. The show likes to make us think these are human beings, and THEN they remind us they are horrendous monsters who should be tazed in the face and kept on the brink of death and sanity for the remainder of their mortal lives.
  • June “Feels” back, with her scene in the kitchen with Freddy No-Sperm. But, I don’t get the angle. Yet.
  • “Just give it some time.”… you know, like until you’re legal? Like old enough to drink. Wait, sorry, we pause this joke for this interruption. SHE THINKS HE’S GAY!? Hahahahahahahaha.
  • So, run away for 90 days? Get choked nearly to death. Bleed from the  hoo-hah a bit too much? Free lunch for you and your friends! I can’t wait for the juicy gossip. “So, how did YOU get raped last month?”
  • So, infant mortality is what started all of this, eh? Who needs medical science, when you have God on your side! Too bad they didn’t fire a few more at her.
  • “I love you.” Oh, piss off, Nick. You have no idea what love is.
  • The thing is, Breaking Bad was evil, but behind it we saw the reasoning. Walter White was one man, who at his worst, was in it to benefit one man. And the drugs he made may have led to tons of death and badness. But again: he was one man. Serena Joy and all their ilk are a fricking nation formed under the guise of religion to make habitual rape and murder the norm. Being forced to see this much evil in every frame is maddening.
  • Do YOU feel guilt, shame, and remorse when YOU’RE having sex with underage girls at the threat of death? Well, say no more! Gilead-brand Fucksheets now come with glory hole and paper bag for her head.
  • “She wanted to see the child.” There it is, Serena. You’re soulless.
  • Oh, Fred. You’re making me regret the ice cream. I’m gonna be sick.
  • “You’ve been issued a women.”
  • “Blessed be the fruit.”, thanks, you 15 year old half-wit.
  • “Don’t you want to run a household, one day?” I think I’m gonna watch Serena get shot a few more times.
  •  Nevermind.
The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E3 “Baggage” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E3 “Baggage” Hot Take Recap

Posted on by Marc Alan Fishman
  • Episode 3. Here we go! June getting her fitness-montage on, eh. I’m fighting HARD to smile. Because this show has taught me that joy is temporary and should be stamped into oblivion.
  • Meanwhile in Canada, it’s America’s favorite ex-pat sitcom… Moira, Dweebus, and the Mute!
  • Young June at the rally/protest… Ahhh. There’s that gut-bomb of social-relevance that makes me think about Trump. So. Barf.
  • I just realized if Nick was played by Colin Hanks, I’d feel safer for June.
  • “Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?”… Neither! I’m a sandwich! (Not a note. I just always wanted to work this into an article.)
  • If skittish black driver would just USE HIS WORDS to explain why he’s trying to abandon June, it’d sure help me understand wtf is going on.
  • 18 minutes in, and we’ve yet to see an actual Handmaid, Commander, Aunt Bitchbag, or anything cruel and evil (aside from “the world” of course). This is like a weird reverse bottle episode.
  • “Under his eye.” JUNE, WHY?! I mean, she can’t believe in that bullshit. Why SPOUT IT??!!
  • Listen, judgemental bitch. YOU try getting raped monthly under threat of death and harm to your actual child , and try being HOLIER THAN THOU.
  • OK, so we are in Gilead now? And I’m thinking maybe it’s Sunday? Church time? And now I’m thinking “Are Jews persecuted here?”. Sigh.
  • So. June’s mom is an unloved bitch. Cool, cool, cool.
  • They’re Muslim (I think)?
  • 34:20 in, and there’s my previous Bitchbag. And damn, I’d peg June’s mom as a suicide bomber against Gilead, not a field worker. Or did I just imagine seeing that.
  • OK. June. June? June. This is the kind of shit people yell at the movie screen for. DON’T DO THIS. Please! Also. Where the hell is dead-eyed Nick? I’m guessing Gilead ain’t got no phones, but still. Dude. Check on yo’ baby mama, right? JUNE STOP LOOKING AT THE GUARDS. JUNE.
  • June, seriously. If you don’t shut up, I’mma scream.
  • “She left me once, and now I have to leave her.” … I’m not sure who she’s referring to. Her mother? Hannah? Both?
  • Truly curious what June’s specific end-game is at this point. Make it to the border? Live in the wilderness?
  • We now bring you back to “Moira, Dweebus, and the Mute”… “Blessed be the Froot Loops?” SHE NAILED THE PUNCHLINE! Queue the title card and credits.
  • So… all the drivers are Eyes. And the Eyes are good? I STILL DO NOT TRUST THIS AT (the fuck) ALL. June, I give you permission to kick driver until he dead.
  • Oh, mom. You ain’t no Hollaback Girl. You a slave, now.
  • As much as I wanted to be like “I told you so…”… I can’t. Damn it all to hell.

The Handmaid’s Tale S2E2: “Unwomen” Hot Take Recap

Posted on by Marc Alan Fishman
  • “There probably is no out”. And there it is kids. Season over!
  • This is like Walter White’s vacation in the great white north. Except Robert Forster is just an old handyman. And June isn’t a meth kingpin. OK, this is nothing like Breaking Bad. Shut up.
  • OK, the Handyman’s “After a while, crocodile” sold me. He’s my new god.
  • Seriously. Are all college classes in TV and Movies either COMPLETELY CHOCKED FULL or sparsely filled by nerds and assholes?
  • ACK! TWISTY THE CLOWN! Err. Wait. No… Just another railroaded liberal. And a GAY one to boot!
  • A lot of world building this episode. Figuratively and literally.
  • A requiem for a newspaper. A 1 act play wherein June mourns the written word, the dead, and decides to publish her own zine. (If I don’t make my own jokes here, I’m going to go insane of sadness.)
  • “You and our baby”. Vomit, Nick. But hey. He gave her a gun!
  • I’m sorry. Two guns. I’m starting to feel bad for actual husband. Sorta. He’s a bit of a dweeb. I’m stalling while the dead-eyed weirdo boinks the pregnant chick. I’m hella-uncomfortable.
  • Sweet Christmas. That’s enough with the freeing sex, kids!
  • It’s just my Hulu, but the first ad after all that sex was for White Castle, and I seriously vurped.
  • So how does one get to be a cattle prodder? “Well, in my other life, I worked at the DMV.” SOLD!
  • An MFA in interior design? It’s JUST as useful working in the wasteland.
  • Somewhere, a Trump supporter watching this show has a hard-on when they deny the marriage license of a gay couple that is “no longer recognized”. And I’d like THAT person to be sent to the wasteland.
  • OH DAYUM, GINA. College Prof gots lady balls. Suck it, house frau!
  • If I lived in this world, and had faith previously? It hath been smoted by meow.