Tag: Elizabeth Moss

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E11 “Holly” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E11 “Holly” Hot Take Recap

  • The last episode really took a lot out of me, mentally. Tonight’s episode better just be an accidental rerun of Scrubs.
  • A minute in, and I fear I’m watching the end of the Shining.
  • Please, hilariously ironic deity who I don’t believe in… either let June know how to properly hotwire a car… or let this dire wolf she’s confronting be magical.
  • No offense. But who leaves car keys in end tables?
  • DRIVE TO CANADA JUNE.
  • I’ve learned enough by now. June will pull out of the garage to a tank ready to blow her up. Or, the Waterfords. Frick.
  • “I’m not leaving here without my baby.” … Once again, I’d like to state for the record: IT’S NOT YOUR BABY.
  • Listening to Serena and Voldefred fight tickles me in ways that make me feel giddy.
  • Wait. GUN. GUN! SWEET MOTHER MARY AND BITCHBAG A GUN.
  • OK. Now. Get in the car, and haul ass to Lollapallooza. Shoot anyone who gets in the way. And of course, we’ll start labor now.
  • I’m with June. Hospital. Eff all that Doula-hippy-crunchy-midwife birthing. #ImWithPatton
  • Gotta love that old world craftsmanship. But, June… keep that up and you’ll.. you know. Die.
  • I guess we havin’ a behbeh.
  • I think someone told me Elizabeth Moss won an Emmy for this show. I don’t know if that was for Season 1 or 2. But I sure as hell bet “Oh, you DIDN’T do a naked child-birthing scene?” came up when she was discussing challenging roles with her fellow nominees.
  • That baby sure came out clean. And what, no afterbirth? Wait, why the hell do I care if they show that?!
  • Also, this baby has already shown more emotion than the father. So, at least June passed on her humanity.
  • Welcome to the world, Holly. It sucks.
The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E10 “The Last Ceremony” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E10 “The Last Ceremony” Hot Take Recap

  • The title of the episode is “The Last Ceremony”. This bodes well.
  • Hey! A commander has a heart attack after rape. Praise be! Bonus points for the nut shot.
  • Childwife and ManbabySoldier are sure getting friendly.
  • “Oh, I’m so pleased to be stealing this child!” Go to hell Serena Joy.
  • Make way for Aunt BitchBag everyone!
  • Wowsers. A black commander. A black VIRILE commander. Gird your loins, men.
  • Whoa whoa whoa. Wait wait. The wives have their own fake-birth ceremony? This clinches it. When the season is over? I’m doing some fanfic crossovers where Jessica Jones lays waste to Gilead.
  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. June 1. Serena 0.
  • Aunt Bitchbag’s spicy mango tea? I see Kermit sipping it already. Also, did June just mildly threaten Serena with an ass whoopin’? June 2. Serena 0.
  • Oh, June. You didn’t think he’d say yes, did you. But I appreciate the moxie. And I LOVE that on her way out she is burning every damned bridge she crosses. June 3. Waterfords 0.
  • Oh. This is. I can’t. I may stop the episode right now. The Waterfords are pure, unforgivable evil.
  • GASP! Childwife and ManBabySoldier! SHE’S UNCLEAN. And Nick likes to watch. Vurrrp.
  • Oh, poor Childwife. You know not what you say. I mean, you figured Nick like June. Good on you for that. But seriously. You’re 15. And this fucked up religious cult you are indoctrinated in has ruined your poor mind.
  • “Please stop crying.” Congrats Nick. NOW you’re a father.
  • PAUSE. Voldefred has a “surprise.” I swear to whatever God-Like-Being that is reading my recaps… If this asshat brings Hannah out as a present for raping a pregnant woman, I’m going to… OK, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll be really sad.
  • Fuck the Waterfords. There’s no bounds to the cruelty of this show. “Why didn’t you try harder?”… Tear my god-damned spine out of my body.
  • Telling your own child to “Love your parents” when YOU CAN’T BE HER MOTHER is one of the most gut-wrenching things I’ve seen June endure. AND SHE WAS LITERALLY RAPED AN EVENING AGO. 
  • For fuck’s sake. Nick? SHOOT THE WATERFORDS.
  • Holy shit. Nevermind. Well, I don’t think I can breathe now.
The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E9 “Smart Power” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E9 “Smart Power” Hot Take Recap

  • Martha is permanently stuck on sass-mode. Nothing deeper to report.
  • “Hi. I’m Issac. I like long walks on the beech. The writings of Levi. And this rifle.”
  • The Handmaid’s Tale is going to Canada! Wooooooo! Someone start a round of “If I Had A Million Dollars”!
  • And the award for deep-rooted irony goes to… Voldefred, for his “the Canadians need to know that you’re not an abused woman living in an oppressed society that YOU WERE TOTALLY IN-PART RESPONSIBLE FOR.”
  • Hey! Childwife made cookies. And HusbandBlankStare is sure… Nick.
  • Serena Joy sure is a bitch. “When the baby pops out, you gon’ bitch.” “Bu—” “Suck it, whore.”
  • Oh, hey! Luke woke the fuuuuuudge up when he saw his wife’s ritual rapist. YAY!
  • Moira… it’s time to learn strategic ninja star throwing.
  • That’s right, Serena. Gaze upon a metropolis filled with energy, life, words, love, and civility. It turns out you didn’t need to reduce society to some psuedo-Amish backwards-assed joyless patriarchy! Now, smile and be pretty for the meetings like a good bitch. (Get it. That’s a pun, because she’s an obedient female dog, and an ass!)
  • SICK GAY BURN, BRAH!
  • It’s hard not to make a thousand notes tonight. I’m sorry. DID THEY JUST GIVE HER A PICTURE-GRAM SCHEDULE?! Ha! I mean, I literally paused on her grimace just to soak it up.
  • Unwoman. Gun to the temple. I’m rewinding to Serena’s face.
  • Won’t even share the elevator with her. Suck it, Housefrau Bitchface. You are amidst free people.
  • Take the treason and coconuts, idiot. WHO KNEW THAT SCIENCE TRUMPS YOUR DOPEY FAKE RELIGION. I love Mr. America. He’s cruel in the BEST way.
  • Childwife… meet Childsoldier. Ya’ll should make with the sex.
  • Hey! BlandMartha. Poison the Waterfords.
  • Mark it down. It’s the first time I have ever loved Luke. I may never again. Oh, and screw off, Nick.
  • Aunt Bitchbag loves the children. Doesn’t think much of women. But lerves her some berbers.
  • Diplomacy over, bitches. Serena’s face? I could bathe in her sadness and shame.
  • You had me until the God Bless America sing-a-long. Just… no. Stop it.
  • Look upon your closet of teal, and weep… thundercunt.
  • Poor Nick. Now you know June likes em tall, dark, and mildly Canadian.
The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E5 ” Seeds” Hot Take Recap

The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E5 ” Seeds” Hot Take Recap

  • So, our opportune question here: is June broken? Burning the letters of her sisters-in-arms sure as hell sells that. Oh, and her dead eyed stare into our soul helps too.
  • I’d love for this to be a long con. But I can’t fathom that as a possibility. Sayonara, Marc’s hope!
  • Haha! Offred is musty.
  • If I didn’t know better, I’d say Serena Joy doesn’t like lobotomized June. That pleases me. Hell. If she was mildly constipated I’d be tickled, too.
  • Forgive me. If you’re in the slave labor camp… why live?
  • If June/Offred has miscarried, I think I’m gonna scream.
  • Gilead looks like Oak Park, Illinois. The people who live there are likely 10% less scary.
  • Baby Angela has some boogies. Oh, and her real mom is gone. But you know. Boogies.
  • Back from commercial and Offred is in a blood red bath. I seriously can’t tell now if there IS a problem, or we’re being duped. That the loss of self is causing some kind of hallucination?
  • Gilead seriously has some kind of fascination with ritual schtick. And like, it’s never once been anything short of super creepy as fuck.
  • Wait. Hold up. Are they giving the drivers some child-brides? I think I may vomit.
  • Because I still feel sick after the last scene, just hearing all the pick axes and shovels of the workers makes me think of the beginning of “Blazing Saddles” and now I’m sadder.
  • FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY SEE A DOCTOR, JUNE. This show is basically a horror show in slow motion. “Here. Be terrified for 13 episodes.” “Will someone die?” “By the time we’re done, you’ll sure hope so.”
  • I’m rooting for the baby to somehow be alive, because I want to see June remain alive. I know she’s our protagonist and that it’s unlikely she’d be taken from us. But that doesn’t take away the feelings.
  • SWEET JESUS JUNE IS ALIVE. And so is her half-dead-faced fetus.

Handmaid’s Tale S2E1 “June” Hot Take Recap

(all these thoughts are made chronologically as I “enjoy” the episode)

  • I just made myself a bowl of ice cream prior to hitting play, because I’m going to occasionally need to be reminded that joy does indeed exist in the world still.
  • I just finished the recap. I’m glad I added cookies to my ice cream. Also “Trust me.” No, Nick. I do not trust you. You were an out of work loser ass-bag in the before-time. So, no.
  • They KNOW she’s preggers, right? That should give us SOME feeling of safety for June, right?
  • STOPPED at 6:56 to take a breath. I mean, I get it. They have work to do, and apparently fast. But, like, wouldn’t it be just as easy to march down the handmaids who are going to be hung in a neat and orderly line, without all the rush-rush-rush? Time is money, sure. But Gilead don’t have no money! ALSO… They have folks hung like ornaments all over the place. If they need to murder you, they literally have rifles. This seems like WWE levels of idiocy.
  • OH FUCK YOU, SHOW.
  • Die Aunt Lydia. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. (Each ‘Die’ comes for a separate bit during the show.)
  • Why did we have another kid? Cause Fuck the Patriarchy! Great reason, millennials.
  • “How did Ofmike get such beefy biceps? That bitch-bag made her stand outside with a rock in her hand for 3 hours, and she’s got 24″ pythons now, brother!”
  • I’m glad I finished my ice cream ahead of the live burning. Aunt Lydia needs to be murdered. By an army of savage children all singing “Our God is an Awesome God.”
  • I don’t know who this nurse/social worker is, but I think Aunt Lydia must have been cloned. Also? I hate her.
  • I know that silhouette anywhere. Hello Mrs. Twatface! Also? “Don’t get so mad, Serena. It’d be bad for the baby?” Cue that gif of the kids all going OH!!!!!”
  • Nice try show. I’m not going to believe June’s getting out of this hospital! I bet this is just more theatrics! (He says, silently praying Mayday is gonna get her out of this, and full well knowing NOT on episode 1 of the 2nd season).
  • WAIT! WHAT!? Don’t make me have hope, show. I still don’t trust Nick!
  • Haha! Fuck you, red frock! Also… SWEET CHRISTMAS, WOULDN’T NICK KNOW AN EASIER WAY TO REMOVE THE TAG!? I’m going to be sick.