Category: Beat JENeration

Beat JENeration #025: Rules, follow them or Why I will never leave the house without wearing a bra again and why you shouldn’t either.

Beat JENeration #025: Rules, follow them or Why I will never leave the house without wearing a bra again and why you shouldn’t either.

Leaving the house without a bra on is never a good idea.

Not that I do it often, but it’s happened. And it’s just really playing with fate.

Some of you are shocked (a few of you pervs maybe even titillated,) but the moms out there know this is just a thing that happens. Motherhood is a helluva lot of personal growth bringing many joys, blah, blah, blah, but let me tell you a secret — it also makes you stop giving a shit. It’s partly because you realize what’s really important in life, but mostly it’s because you spent a great many hours showing your junk off to many, many strangers, while in the worst shape of your life. And it’s not like ridiculous pain or fear or heavy-duty drugs were the gateway to flashing your nethers to every person in scrubs (and maybe your mother-in-law too), it’s because modesty isn’t as important as getting the pregnancy over with.

“Yes baby, I want to meet you, but mostly I want you off my fucking bladder….and I want to sleep on my stomach again”.

(BTW, sleeping on your stomach is something I was never able to get back AND it’s been 16 years).

This isn’t a mommy blog, so don’t worry, I’ll wrap it up.

Long story slightly shorter, moms may seem to regain effort in their outward appearance by the time the shorties reach school-age, but fatigue is clearly a long game and when given the choice between getting yourself or your spawn out the door in a timely and presentable manner, it sometimes makes the most sense to just throw on a sweats (more than likely the stained loungewear type rather than some sort of sporty athleisure pre-meditated errand-running selection) and throw everyone in the minivan. We all know sweatshirts make bras optional in situations where you won’t be jostling around too much in public.  Continue reading “Beat JENeration #025: Rules, follow them or Why I will never leave the house without wearing a bra again and why you shouldn’t either.”

Beat JENeration #024: Netflix Gives and Takes This Feb

Beat JENeration #024: Netflix Gives and Takes This Feb

I spend an inordinate amount of time out in the world calculating when I can go home, get in my pajamas, and sit in bed watching Netflix.

I am not proud of this, but I’m also not un-proud of it either. Take me as I am – a gal who envies anyone who can decadently put on a sweatshirt and decade-old soft yoga pants, then hop under the covers with a book or an iPad, especially during the weekday daylight hours. Living THE DREAM!

But, why Netflix and not another video streaming platform? Because its queue is the easiest. The watchlist on Prime has to be shared amongst the whole family, going to individual network sites is bothersome, and Hulu’s commercial model is ridiculous (don’t even get me started on their new ad concept when you press pause), so Netflix wins my loyalty by default. Not exactly the highest praise, but they locked me in enough to consider their monthly content changes some of the most important news/click-bait in my social media feed.

Here are February’s in-coming titles (and my reaction).  Continue reading “Beat JENeration #024: Netflix Gives and Takes This Feb”

Beat JENeration #023: Tidying Up with Jen is not nearly as cute

Beat JENeration #023: Tidying Up with Jen is not nearly as cute

As promised last week, I embarked on applying  Marie Kondo’s KonMari tidying up principles to my own life. 

If you haven’t watched her Netflix series (you should) or read last week’s column (you should do that too) here’s the basics of KonMari:

  • Commit yourself to tidying up (because there’s a lot of time and effort involved. “Tidying up” sounds like a passive, casual exercise in housekeeping, but it’s not).
  • Imagine your ideal lifestyle (like a mental vision board — oh and don’t forget to thank your house in the beginning because you’ll probably say some mean things to it during the process).
  • Finish discarding the things that don’t bring you joy first (because once you put stuff in storage containers or adorably fold them into your dresser drawers you won’t properly assess them for their joy factor — and you’ll probably relapse).
  • Tidy by category, not location (because gathering all like items into one spot allows you to see all the shit you have and the volume alone will inspire you to be more selective in what brings you joy).
  • Follow the correct order: Clothes, books, paper, komono (misc) and sentimental items (because we just have to trust the method in her madness). Continue reading “Beat JENeration #023: Tidying Up with Jen is not nearly as cute”
Beat JENeration #022: Tidying up was never so goddamn cute

Beat JENeration #022: Tidying up was never so goddamn cute

I am not a joiner and as such generally am too detached (lazy) to suffer FOMO. This is why you will not find me participating in the latest shit collectively stirred up on the internet. Birdbox…yeah, even as a devoted Sandra Bullock fan, I’m sitting this one out. Gillette Toxic Masculinity ad…haven’t seen it.

I am also not what you’d call a tidy person. I don’t love my clutter, but I learned to live within it. Though, occasionally, I have been known to make a half-hearted stab at improving my surroundings. There were a couple years were I went full-on Fly Lady for up to at least a month at a time. But generally, as long as I move house every decade and quarterly need to ransack my desk or nightstand for an important document, gift card, passport, or some other misplaced suddenly important item, I will keep myself out of contention for hoarders.

You know where I’m going with this, right? Tidying up with Marie Kondo Continue reading “Beat JENeration #022: Tidying up was never so goddamn cute”

Beat JENeration #021: 9021, Oh why would you even bother?

Beat JENeration #021: 9021, Oh why would you even bother?

In late December, when a picture surfaced of Jennie Garth, Tori Spelling, Ian Ziering, Brian Austin Green, and Jason Priestly, together in public I was intrigued. And as the rumors started circulating about CBS shopping a Beverly Hills 90210 revival/reboot, I have to admit I was very excited.

Of course with Luke Perry and Shannen Dougherty not signed on, I was less excited.

Though now that the truth has surfaced that it’s not a revival at all, I’m actually kind of pissed that I was put in a nostalgia TV tizzy for nothing. This project is (deep breath) an hour-long mockumentary-esque dramedy with the former teen stars playing themselves (or a version of such) chronicling their efforts to get an actual 90210 revival going.

I mean honestly, would I even add such a thing to my endless queue, let alone watch it?  Well, certainly not without Luke Perry or Shannen Doherty.  Continue reading “Beat JENeration #021: 9021, Oh why would you even bother?”

Beat JENeration #020: If you really must make a New Year’s Resolution

Beat JENeration #020: If you really must make a New Year’s Resolution

Resolutions are bullshit.

Over half of them don’t see February, and honestly everyone sounds like a douche when talking earnestly about theirs. Just like veganism, carb negativity, crossfit/rock-climbing/SoulCycle/hot yoga, sugar shunning, sobriety, and juice cleansing normal people don’t want to hear about it. Intended or not, talking about all the good you do for yourself always comes off as passive aggressive.

Self betterment is best when you keep it to yourself, but I can’t deny that it has its place. Until the world decides to be Mark Darcy to our Bridget Jones and like us very much, just as we are, many of us will feel the pressure of peer perfection. And as such, one shouldn’t be shamed for making New Year’s Resolution.

Maybe we can make your resolution a little less bullshit together.

There’s no crime in editing your resolution in the first week to something that is as doable as it is meaningful. Though for god’s sake, if you declared to make a life change because of some  soulful post on a celebrity style guru’s IG or a whimsical Ways To Improve Yourself Lifehack I cannot help you refine. Just start over and concentrate on the three keys to living one’s best life.

Don’t put pressure on yourself. Embrace being basic. Don’t play into what society wants, man.  Continue reading “Beat JENeration #020: If you really must make a New Year’s Resolution”

Beat JENeration #019: Five Predictions for Twenty Nineteen

Beat JENeration #019: Five Predictions for Twenty Nineteen

2018, not a fan. So I prefer to look forward.

While I do not possess powers or abilities to actually see the future, I have paid attention to the past and so I know these five things to be true.

Predictions

1. Those people will still be assholes

More arrests and a final  and ugly fall from grace will unfold through the year prompting thousands of people to reconnect with their red MAGA-hatted friends and family. Mostly to gloat. But they will soon realize that the estrangement was no loss.

2. Low-Rise rises again

Fashion is cyclical. And yet no one in that industry seems to learn from their mistakes.

Young ladies of 2019, back in the day of OG Mom Jeans, we, too, had the same arguments. We pleaded that at least a mid-rise jean was needed to tuck all our stomach issues in, but low-rise was actually a good thing (to an extent — as we know it went way too far and way too many ass cracks had their day in the sun). Just remember that you need to add another $20 to the price of those new low-rise jeans in order to have a tailor custom fit the waistband and hem them. Yeah — we’re going to be seeing less of those cropped skinny pants too.

And you shouldn’t be surprised if vintage Juicy tracksuits start showing up on the truly fashion forward. Also, for some reason I strongly feel that Paris Hilton will become an ironic folk hero to the Gen Z set with stacks of graphic tees in her honor at Forever 21 by year’s end.

The future isn’t always pretty — especially when it’s an echo of our past.

3. Women will turn 40 and while many will stop noticing them, they will indeed continue to exist.

These women will complain to their friends over Rosé (which will not go away quietly) about hard black or clear chin hairs that suddenly spring up an inch long overnight and genuinely not understand why no one in the beauty industry warned them. 

4. Emo Kid Come Back

This will partly be due to Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba’s comic The Umbrella Academy bringing its blend of weird family drama, super powers, black comedy into homes via the new Netflix series. But there will also be a 4th Wave shoegaze-y musical component coming forth from the garages and indie clubs to the mainstream. We all wanted some angry punk rock made by the kids in the age of Trump. But what we’re going to get is emo (though they’ll probably sulk and snarl at being called emo).

5. They’ll figure out a way to ruin doughnuts

As the fly-over states really dig into the artisanal doughnut trend that killed the cupcake shop on the west coast over the last five years, we’ll have to suffer through the foodie’s trying to step up their game and thus screwing up a good thing with savory fillings and experimental fusion cross-overs. But there will be safety in going to the dive-bars of donut shops and hopefully, they will move onto pancakes by the end of 2019.

Beat JENeration 018: A Holiday Holla’ to All My Ambiverts!

Beat JENeration 018: A Holiday Holla’ to All My Ambiverts!

Christmas clearly came early for all of us when Michelle Obama walked on stage in those thigh-high gold Baleciaga boots, but the sad truth is even the fiercest FLOTUS ever cannot save us from the horror show that is the holiday season.

The “us” I speak of, is specific. Christmastime is hard on extroverted introverts. And/or the introverted extroverts. I can never figure out if they are are actually the same thing or which one I am. But, whatever label you slap on my personality type, I know I’m not alone because Buzzfeed did a listicle. So, this being the season of sharing, I will speak for all of us.

Also, I am fueled by a couple glasses of really good Claret from my third Christmas party in two days (of a total of 6 in 5 days) and it feels right to speak in the first person plural.

Though let me go back to first person, for a sec… 

I love Christmas!  Continue reading “Beat JENeration 018: A Holiday Holla’ to All My Ambiverts!”

Beat JENeration #017: Does Paradise Hotel work for me in 2018?

Beat JENeration #017: Does Paradise Hotel work for me in 2018?

Upon hearing of the return of Temptation Island this January to the USA network, I was immediately excited. It is among the top five reality series ever and the preview trailer looks like fun. Will I actually watch it? Debatable, at least in real time. I don’t know that reality series work for me anymore. I’m even bad about keeping up with Drag Race.

But it did bring up a good question: Would I make an effort to watch Paradise Hotel if it came back? The answer is a resounding “Oh hell yeah” for the best reality series EVER.  And taking that a step further, I was compelled to look Paradise Hotel up on YouTube and start rewatching it right away.

Aside from watching it religiously in its original June – October 2003 run and at least once completely through on the Fox Reality Channel during its heyday (roughly 2007-ish), I don’t think I have watched it since — though it has often been a topic of conversation in my circles through the last 15 years. So, I was very surprised to have learned that there was a Paradise Hotel 2 in 2008. It aired on the Fox Reality Channel, which maybe my cable provider had already dropped by then, but still I feel like I should have known. Someone should have told me!

But my two tickets to Paradise Hotel 2 would have to wait. The first season was calling. And when one is called to rewatch a reality show, one must drop everything else. But being so close to Christmas, one must also look to combine efforts. So, ta-freaking-da, it’s this week’s column.  Continue reading “Beat JENeration #017: Does Paradise Hotel work for me in 2018?”

Beat JENeration #016: An Honest Christmas Letter

Beat JENeration #016: An Honest Christmas Letter

Dear People,

As you know, Facebook has made the traditional Christmas letter a relic. What I craft on there is really the best version of me I could come up with —- sans totally lying. Also, really, if we aren’t connected on social media in one way or another we’ve lost touch years ago anyway. So, I’m going a different way with this. Straight up truth.

This year, I left (not of my choice) corporate America (by which I mean working for a European-based company from the comfort of my own home — mostly on my laptop in my bed, in my PJs) and returned to my roots in the arts (where I have to dress cute in a full face of makeup every day and work in an shared windowless office with two Millennials who misinterpret my age all the time by assuming I like Norah Jones and don’t really know what a meme is). While this was a brave and impressive move for my soul, it did not bode well for my finances. Hence there are no exciting vacations or purchases to brag about. We’re not starving (yet), but we’ve had to cut ties with STARZ and Hulu.

Thus I’ve been spending a good deal of time this year with Martin Sheen in both a rewatching of The West Wing and in discovering Grace & Frankie. If I watch both at night, I sometimes dream that President Bartlett is married to Jack McCoy from Law & Order. As you know Lily Tomlin is in both shows as well, which probably gives me even greater joy. She is freaking gorgeous not for 79 years old but for any years old. Move over Ruby Rose, she’s this year’s girl crush.

The other main person in my life this year seems to be Dichen Lachman as Supergirl, Being Human, Agents of Shield, and Shameless are also currently living together in my Netflix Continue Watching queue. This was not planned, but I am happy that she is getting regular work. Her best work, however, might be Aquamarine, which as a mother of girls, I have watched over 20 times (not always with them though). Every time I see someone wearing starfish earrings, I know they are magical talking ones.

Speaking of magic, this year I learned that I can literally keep watching Thor: Ragnarok daily (in 10 minutes at a time chunks) over and over again and not get sick of it. The news of a Tom Hiddleston-led Loki series on the new Disney streaming channel (take my money now, mouse bitches) was perhaps the highlight of my year. That is not exaggeration. Thanks to MoviePass (wasn’t that a fun time while it lasted?), I saw Infinity War five times in the theatre and cried every time Loki died in that bullshit way. In spite of daily articles being sent to me (yeah, like you don’t have a THiddy Google Alert too) with theories as to how Loki faked his death at the hands of (worst, cartoonish, not even vaguely scary villain ever) Thanos, I am not delusional to jump on that bandwagon. I’ve made my peace with it.

I also saw Ant Man 2, Black Panther, Ocean’s 8, and Crazy Rich Asians multiple times this year. Awkwafina is my favorite superhero.

The Christmas Prince: Royal Wedding was a ginormous let down. I don’t know what bothered me more, recasting Amber’s dad or that King Richard (not a Prince — a King, loud sigh, Netflix) doesn’t know what a limerick is. But this hasn’t left me jaded. I intend to spend the remaining weeks of 2018 watching whatever holiday crap video streaming throws at me. Life Size 2 is high on my list.

Speaking of high, my fellow Californians have been easier to deal with this year. Aside from the fires and mudslides, I feel a little safer here from the rest of the country’s bullshit. And if you insist, I will happily take partial credit for the Blue Wave that washed all up on Orange County’s shores last month. I moved back home behind the Orange Curtain and pushed the liberal agenda over the edge. I also produced two members of Gen Z who rightfully are kicking all of our asses into gear. They personally spurred me on to two different marches this year where we had signs and everything. A lot of other stuff happened, but I can’t remember what exactly, but I feel like there’s hope back in the game.

And that is the most upbeat you’ll find me this holiday season, so I’m signing off now before I fall into an ugly cry hate spiral over all the reasons I’ve had to watch so much TV every night so that I can sleep.

Joy to the world, motherfuckers!