“The simple things you see are all complicated. I look pretty young, but I’m just backdated.” From Substitute, written by Pete Townshend.
Do you remember F-keys? They’ve still got ‘em on most computer keyboards. I initially encountered them in the early days at First Comics when I could program my Olympia electric typewriter to bonk out phrases like “Jon Sable, Freelance” with one stroke.
Evidently, DC Comics still gives their F-keys quite a workout. I have no doubt the phrase “will change the DC universe forever!” became one of their first such shortcuts. “DC Comics! The Line of the Super-Stars! Where Everything You Knew is Wrong! AGAIN!”
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
Marvel Comics launched its Ultimate Comics line back in 2000. It lasted about 16 years until it got crushed under the weight of too many titles and way too many mini-series. It also had lost its soothsayers, Bill Jemas and Brian Bendis, the gifted Johnny Appleseed of revisionist superheroedom. They brought it back last year in a terrific relaunch that, on the face of it, has nothing to do with the original doppelgängers, at least not yet. This relaunch has spread like Topsy as well, and before long they’ll have to hire unemployed Elvis impersonators to staff it. Mainstream comic book publishing always dance to the tune of “monkey see, monkey do,” and long ago they managed to put the lie to the phrase “everything is better with a monkey.”
So after an infinite number of Crises On Infinite Sales Charts, DC finally has managed to figure out a way to have their stale cake and eat it too. They copied Marvel’s Ultimate Universe and — this is the most creative part — they named it after a popular brand of vodka.
They put a lot of really great talent on these books, talent I would love to see do more in whatever remains of this week’s ongoing DC universe. Just as Marvel did with the Ultimate line.
Twice.
Absolute Wonder Woman is… not Wonder Woman. It appears as though she just as easily could have been anybody else who could climb on top of a huge flying demon canine. She might be a great character, but she’s not worthy of this specific name: she’s not an Amazon, there’s no Paradise Island, and for some reason she prefers black lipstick. Very trendy, were it still 1979. As a well-deserved tribute to Burl Ives, she traded the gold in her costume for silver. I don’t mind the tattoos, but I think she’s going to regret them as she gets older.
I get the feeling the real Diana would want her tiara back.
As for the Absolute Batman, well, shit, he looks like a constipated cross between Frank Miller’s Dark Knight and Gilbert Shelton’s Wonder Wart-Hog. And the Absolute Superman declared war on Warner Bros’ licensing department by dropping his red trunks.
Meanwhile, over in their ever-morphing mainstream universe, a lot of titles are getting new creative crews because, well, it’s the beginning of a new week. Hey, Lois Lane is becoming the new Superwoman! Again. Again. Again. Just after Lois really started making a mark on the world as the Daily Planet’s new editor-in-chief. The best journalist in American fiction is now just another red cape.
There are a whole lot of solid A-listers doing these DC “All-In” books (all-in where, and with what?). I’m sure most will deliver some great stuff, but great is not the same as necessary and you need that as well. At least they don’t seem to be screwing with my two favorite ongoing DC titles, Wonder Woman (you probably guessed that) and Birds of Prey.
If a new reader decides to chose the Absolute line over the mainstream books, or vice versa, then when the inevitable crossover happens — Crisis on Absolute Earth — they will get to know what it feels like to have standing room only space at a KMFDM concert.
In my obnoxious opinion (IMOO), both DC and Marvel arguably employ the best writing staffs in the history of American comics. They can do much better than this with the characters they’ve already got.
We are past being completely enslaved by the sand traps of continuity. Keep moving forward with the great stuff you’ve got. That bright and shiny thing you think is ahead of you is just a reflection of other people’s ideas.
