Brainiac On Banjo: Mike’s To-Do List!

Well, I’ve been down to the river, I washed away my sins. Well, every day’s a nice, clean slate, for me to fuck it up again. Yeah, I’ll probably fuck it up again. — from “Do It Again”, written by John Shanks and Sheryl Crow.

I decided I should make a “To Do” list. I ain’t getting any younger and I ration out my brain power, so this seems like a good idea. So I’ll do just that, you know, instead of writing a real column this week.

To do:

Reread the first nine issues of the current JSA miniseries, just in case DC decides to finish publishing it before I die.

Ask Bill Sienkiewicz if the British government contacted him about doing over King Charles’ official portrait.

Do some genetic research. I am convinced that the lunch cook at Riverdale High School, Miss Beazley, is closely related to Popeye, the Sailor Man. Possibly separated at birth.

Check and see if Trump died yet.

Write a hopefully not-too-long piece about what an unbelievably great cartoonist Dick Briefer had been.

Order our Deadpool & Wolverine tickets.

Offer to comp Marty Scorsese on the Deadpool & Wolverine tickets.

Sit next to Marty at the IMAX and ask him if it took major surgery to remove that stick up his ungrateful ass.

Remind most of America that American Jews are NOT Israelis.

Remind most of America that a great many Israelis are not at all fond of Netanyahu either.

Remind most of America of the differences between a republican democracy and a Parliamentarian government.

Figure out what happened to Daisy’s pups. Did they get taken for the last ride?

Talk Dan Parent into getting the rights to reprint his astonishingly clever sketch covers.

Talk Kerry Callen into getting the rights to reprint his astonishingly clever sketch covers.

Figure out who to bribe to get Bill Griffith the Nobel Prize In Literature for his book Three Rocks.

Double-check on the lying treasonous cocksucker who’s holding a gun to America’s head. Are we certain he’s still alive? And am I talking about Trump, or Netanyahu?

There are dozens and dozens of superhero one ounce silver coins (Marvel and DC characters, mostly) being minted in nations all over this planet (at least). Maybe a holiday gift?

Figure out why the bastards at Google Chrome won’t let me post anything unless I buy Grammerly. I can make more than enough mistakes on my own, thank you, I don’t need these bastards to make more of them for me.

Finally finish reading Robert Crumb’s Book of Genesis. I’m dying to see how it ends.

I promise to help in any way I can to help make GrimCat a reality.

I firmly believe the guy who owns The Android’s Dungeon comic book shop, identified as Jeff Albertson in The Simpsons’ episode “Homer and Ned’s Hail Mary Pass,” is one of the great philosophers of the past 35 years, and I should compile his most useful quotes so that the animatedly-challenged can appreciate them as well. No, seriously.

Hanging an ex-president for attempting to take over our government does not make us a banana republic. It makes us a nation of laws that protect our democracy.

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