As Is by Mike Gold: Old Joe, My Ass

We live in a political world, The one we can see and feel. But there’s no one to check. It’s all a stacked deck. We all know for sure that it’s real. “Political World,” written by Bob Dylan.

It’s time to get real. As of this writing, there are four presidential candidates who are likely — but not assuredly — to be heading their respective political party tickets.

The Democratic Party has Joe Biden, age 81. The Fascist Party has Donald Trump, age 77, although it is vaguely possible that they will have to share their Orange Pumpkin with our federal prison system. The Fossil Fuel party has Joe Manchin, age 76. He has yet to announce for president, but he has said he will not run for reelection to the Senate. I guess he’s afraid Exxon will take his yacht away.

(Fun Fact: Manchin, who has a cash register in his yacht’s master bedroom, is the right wing Democratic senator from West Virginia, which is a land-locked state. Anomalies abound.)

Finally, there is Bizarro Bobby Kennedy, age 69, from the Kill-Your-Neighbor Party. Unlike such movies as Godfather II and From Russia With Love, Bizarro Bobby adds credence to the philosophy “sequels-aren’t-as-good-as-the-originals.

That means Bizarro Bobby, at 69 years of age, is the cub in the pack. Ergo, “too old” is preposterously relative. I know a shitload of people who died before their 69th birthday, and even more who died before they turned 76, 77 or 81.

But let’s hope to High Hell that Bizarro Bobby is too apeshit for the electorate. That’s a big assumption after Trump and, unlike Trump (at least this week), Bizarro Bobby is pro-abortion… as long as said abortion occurs within three months of the zygote’s propagation. Recently, he’s tried to walk back that part, which shows us just how feckless the bastard is. But he is the baby on the railroad tracks so we’ll grade the others on the curve.

Manchin, 76. Trump, 77. Biden, 81. That’s a five-year span, yet it is Biden who is targeted as “too old.”

Friends, age is not the issue here.

It’s Kamala Harris.

She’s 59, which might be slightly too young for me but, as would-be presidents go, is of a healthy age.

Of course, Kamala Harris is also Black. And a woman. Not exactly the MAGAts idea of a worthy peanut butter cup.

Vice President Harris also is Asian-American. Vice President Harris also is Caribbean-American. As perceived by many in our highly and intrinsically bigoted nation, Kamala might as well be from the planet Mongo.

The Great American White Right and the Christian Nationalists have made it perfectly clear they do not want a Black-Asian-Jamaican-WOMAN in the Oval Office. I mean, look at the way these people lost their minds when Barack Obama became president, and he wasn’t even Asian or Jamaican or a woman. Or Kenyan, but that’s ‘hole another thing.

It is clear from our history, particularly our most recent history, that there are millions and millions of voters who do not want a Black-Asian-Jamaican woman as president, let alone one who is married to a Jew. That, according to these people who are so, so self-righteous about how only white American Christian men are qualified to run this country, despite our history of electing white male Christian-American fools.

Some of these monsters are quite open about their bigotry. Compared to the others, I can kinda almost respect that. This is because I prefer to see the enemy coming. Don’t fire until you see the whites of their hearts. The others can look at Joe and say “Oh, he’s the one who is too old; I can’t vote for him.” And then they proceed to vote for one of the other three Mussolini wannabes.

I guess I’m really glad the issue that is motivating the largest group of our electorate is abortion, which, according to three or four criminally lying members of the Supreme Court-for-hire, was settled law almost 50 years ago. Those of us who are pro-abortion, and/or anti-National Socialist, can play Red Rover with the holy scumbags any day of the week.