As Is With Mike Gold: Kill Your Darlings

God said to Abraham, “Kill me a son.” Abe said, “Man, you must be puttin’ me on.” God say, “No.” Abe say, “What?” God say, “You can do what you want to, but the next time you see me comin’ you better run. Abe said “Where do you want this killing done?” – Bob Dylan, Highway 61 Revisited, 1965

Global warming. Covid. Freedom. Yadda-yadda-yadda, to quote Lenny Bruce. Let’s call it what it is.


As a card-carrying septuagenarian, for me climate change most likely will remain little more than an inconvenience. But I strongly believe we must do something about it because, in one of my rare less-narcissistic observations, I love my kid, but I just don’t know how long she can tread water. We’re supposed to make sacrifices for our kids’ welfare, if for no other reason than that eventual quid-pro-quo.

I should think most parents feel the same way, but I have my doubts. This past week, the Republican Cult of Obstruction once again made it perfectly clear that anything having to do with saving the planet, and therefore our children, will not receive any attention in Congress. These same Cultists rejected, unanimously, the American Rescue Plan that has since saved America’s ass, for which these hypocrites are now trying to take credit. They’re a minority but given the fact that all too many politicians passionately believe that 50.01% does not constitute a majority, the zealots are both intellectually and instinctually challenged.

Perhaps I’m not being fair. The dogmatists seem to care about the concept of offspring – but only up to the moment the fetuses void the womb and mew their first sounds. I’m amazed these holy holy shitheads don’t demand their li’l bastards cut their own damn umbilical cords.

If you still have doubts, look at all the Republican Cultists who refuse to have their children vaccinated. Yes, I’m referring to the Covid shots, but many feel this way about other vaccines: chicken pox, HPV, diphtheria, measles, hepatitis, influenza, polio… to name but a few.

Oh, wait. We stopped polio, didn’t we? Well, yes, we did. In 1952 alone, over 58,000 Americans were disabled by polio, a third were left partially or fully paralyzed, and many died (source: Fox News; so there!). Today, that number is down to zero (one case was reported in 1993, brought in by an unvaccinated visitor). How the hell did we do that? Oh, yeah. Everybody got the polio vaccine! If you didn’t get your kid vaccinated against polio in the 1950s, you were considered by many to be a Communist.

These are highly infectious diseases. The Republican Cultists say “I have a right to refuse a vaccine.” Humm… well, I haven’t found any evidence we have a right to commit manslaughter. By extension, childslaughter is frowned upon as well. If you want to die, there are plenty of bridges around and their state of disrepair won’t matter. But, please, don’t shove your kids off first. As I like to say, when it comes to suicide, don’t be a dick.

As of June 10th, a majority of those in Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Massachusetts, Illinois, Washington State, Oregon, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Connecticut, Rhode Island, California, Colorado, Virginia, Maryland, Delaware, Maine, Wisconsin, Minnesota, New Mexico, the District of Columbia, and Hawaii have had at least one Covid vaccine shot. People who have been even partially vaxxed living in Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Nevada, Wyoming, South Dakota, Indiana, Ohio, Utah, Nebraska, Missouri, Kentucky, West Virginia, Arizona, Kansas, Arkansas, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Texas, and Alaska are below 50% vaxxed, some as low as 35%.

Now here’s a fun game. Which of these are “blue” states, and which are “red” states?

As one might predict, Florida, Michigan, and Iowa are at the 50% point.

(Source: The New York Times, June 10, 2021)

Often, the response we hear from those who think that dealing with climate change and vaccinations imposes limits on their freedom. Yes, that’s true, but only if your definition of freedom is anarchy. The latter sounds like fun, but sadly anarchy doesn’t make for a modestly safe or pleasant society.

Besides, those folks are phonies. Many of the men who are so opposed to taking the Pfizer vaccine couldn’t have a sex life without that other well-known Pfizer product. These jackals have redefined the meaning of the word “dickhead.”

Ban all blue laws (including polygamy), end speed limits, let people smoke whatever they want wherever they want, and stop demanding a doctor’s prescription for restricted substances. That’s freedom, isn’t it? Why don’t we do it in the road?

As for me, I’m still very conservative. I remain in favor of the old Zero Population Growth movement. But I also remain opposed to torture. The Republican Cultists want it the other way around… even when they’re looking for Democratic pederasts in the basements of cellar-less pizza parlors.

So, the next time you hear some loudmouth say “we’re doing it for the children…” ask them to whip out their voter’s registration card.