Weird Scenes Inside the Gold Mind #099: Attack of the Ninja Stormtroopers

When der Führer says, “Dis war won’t last too long” / Ve HEIL! HEIL!, although he could be wrong / If you doubt der Führer, you won’t last for long / So, ve HEIL! HEIL!, still he could be wrong.” Der Führer’s Face, written by Oliver Wallace, 1942.

There’s this goosestepper in Washington, DC named Chad Wolf, who enjoys the title “acting head of Department of Homeland Security.” Some might think his job title implies he’s merely a placeholder, a guy who need not know his job because it’s only temporary. You know, just like our acting president.

Well, it’s possible that the longevity of all Trump appointments (except judges) might be only temporary. But until that magic day in January arrives, I think we’re stuck with this Wolf fool for the duration. This is because he has the only talent needed by a Trump appointee — in addition to a complete lack of morality, the law, and “knowledge,” Wolf certainly knows where to put his tongue.

Chad was responding to criticism of the deployment of sundry federal “troops.” These “troops” have been wandering around kidnapping people off the streets, starting last week in Portland, Oregon. These “troops” are wearing military camouflage, wearing neither badges, nor name tags, so, if a couple people who look like they just quit General Rommel’s Afrika Force violently pick you up, put a hood over your head and throw you into an unmarked van, you are just going to have to guess who kidnapped you, why they did so, and what you can do about it… if anything. Something tells me they are not enforcing social distancing.

These “troops” are not police. The government says they are police, but if so they’re cleverly disguised as an invasion force. We don’t have secret police here, or at least we didn’t until this year. These people are Donald Trump’s Ninja Stormtroopers.

Chad does not like that type of thinking. It makes him quite upset and he stands behind his acting podium, and he stomps his tiny acting feet and squeaks out his indignation. He defines criticism of his illegal activities “smear attacks” and “disgusting… These police officers are not stormtroopers. They are not Gestapo,” he yelped.

Let me think about that. If they act like stormtroopers, if they dress like stormtroopers, if they treat their victims as though they had no legal rights whatsoever, if they disappear people from the streets without due process of law, I think they just might be stormtroopers.

However, I do not think Chad Wolf is a stormtrooper. That would be denigrating stormtroopers, and I wouldn’t to do that.

So now the narcissistic sociopath in the Orange House is sending his secret Ninja Stormtroopers into other cities. He’s taking a risk — most of those cities are not as kind and as polite as Portland Oregon. Just ask Richard J. Daley when he unleashed his badge-wearing (well, mostly) stormtroopers on his populace 52 years ago. Our painful orange dickhead does not learn from history. He’s never even heard of it.

The Department of Homeland Security has the right to protect federal property. But our present Department of Homeland Security, under Chad’s malicious misdirection, considers “federal property” as “The United States of America.” Life, liberty, freedom, the Constitution? Screw that.

Maybe I misheard Chad’s statements. That’s possible. It’s hard to parse them out, given where he plants his tongue.

We have gone well beyond mere political differences of opinion. We have gone beyond the militant termination of voters rights and free speech. We are now ensconced in totalitarianism, and as I’ve stated, those who ignore history do so at society’s peril.

It’s beginning to look like the election will be subjected to these same secret police tactics. Trump’s Ninja Stormtroopers are not going to have a “come to Jesus” moment in the next three months. They are über-right wing Stormtroopers; that’s not what they do. My advice: when you vote, wear a helmet and some gear to protect your knees and elbows.

And may somebody finally bless the United States.