Weird Scenes Inside the Gold Mind #097: Liberals — Love ‘Em or Hate ‘Em, They’re So Damn Cute!

You’ll be all in clover, and when they look me over / You’ll be the proudest fellow in the Easter Parade / On the Avenue, Fifth Avenue… “Easter Parade,” written by Irving Berlin, 1933.

“Pull my finger…”

It’s likely that Donald Trump just had the worst June of his life. I could be wrong; we don’t know what happened to him in the summer of 1953. He could have fallen off of a runaway turnip truck. This would explain a lot of stuff that his psychologist niece didn’t write about.

The first nine days of July haven’t been any better. He was just scolded by the Supremes for arguing he was above the law. They upheld the rule of law 7 to 2, and both of his (actually Moscow Mitch’s) benchplants voted against him… again. In fact, all nine justices said the president is not above the law. I wish they were around for Nixon.

His day suffered another blow. The city of New York just started painting “BLACK LIVES MATTER” on the street in front of Trump Tower. This has been driving him crazy, and because that street is, indeed, Fifth Avenue, perhaps he now understands that he probably cannot shoot the city workers who are re-decorating his office view.

The Supremes have been ruling on a bunch of stuff this week; they’ve never before had to work into July. This particular ruling came in the context of their decision to allow the federal Southern District of New York to deliver Trump’s tax records to the grand jury. You’d think this would make liberals happy. It makes me happy, and I’m so far to the left of your average liberal I actually agree with some right-wing positions.

I’m sure some liberals are enjoying the moment. But the rest are raising a massive ruckus over the fact that the public will not get to see those records until after the election.

What??? Why the hell do they care? The election is three and three-fourths months away, and I — soon to become really old — have never, ever seen a more polarized presidential election. Not even in 1968, which held the most “polarized presidential election” title for 52 years. That’s a great run, but as I was politically active then as now (I said really old, damnit!) I can tell you, that run is over.

We’ve seen about a third of the electorate stand behind Trump when he was separating children from their families, locking the kids up in cages, and destroying the paperwork that would allow for their return to their mommies and daddies. They stuck with Trump when he was giving Vlad Putin very public reach-arounds for a half-decade. They’re sticking with Trump now that it’s been revealed – by the last two National Security directors — that his Russian Blessing was paying the Taliban $100,000 for each dead American soldier they could deliver. He condemned NASCAR for banning the South’s red flag of treason, singling out for attack the only Black man behind their wheels.

He denied the Covid plague, and when the numbers outweighed his lies he said Hydroxychloroquine, known to be a poison only to be taken under very, very specific circumstances, was a cure or a preventive. Then he added that if patients would only drink bleach and shove an ultra-violet light bulb up their ass as well, everything would be all right. They stuck behind Trump when he said some of the American Nazis were, you know, good people. They stuck behind the Orange Bastard when he said Fredrick Douglass was still alive.

“But That Trick Never Works”

Well, damn. When it comes to Douglass, he was only about 123 years off. What the hell. And the above paragraphs pale before the nearly 20,000 documented lies he has told since his pathetically limp inauguration.

What a man! What a president!

And, still, those who form his “base” haven’t budged an inch. They still worship him as though he was the Great Cthulhu. Sadly, we are obligated to share this nation with such morons.

Trust me on this one. His goddamn taxes ain’t gonna loosen any of these votes. It’s so cute that these liberal folks think that the truth will liberate the rabidly confused. The truth has never set very many people free, and this is a mistake historically common to the liberal ilk. The truth is a lie to those wallowing in massive conspiracy theories.

If only the tax returns could be revealed before election day? Hah! As Rocket J. Squirrel famously said, “But that trick never works.”