It’s good news week / Someone’s found a way to give / The rotting dead a will to live / Go on and never die — It’s Good News Week, written by Jonathan King, recorded by Hedgehoppers Anonymous, 1965
Ever since Benjamin Franklin gave up editing his newspaper, people have been bitching about how there’s nothing but bad news in our informative media. Well, I get that but it’s the bad stuff people want to know about, and often that’s the stuff people need to know about. Trust me, the day we’ve got an effective and approved cure or vaccine for coronavirus, it will be good news that will lead every newscast and probably every conversation.
Particularly if said cure contains bleach.
A good part of the problem is the attitude of the beholder. Our Great Pumpkin in the White House chirps out “good news” everyday, but the majority of humanity regards such prattling as our purest form of bullshit. Today, many people are avoiding the news because it’s all about the same subject and there’s little deployable information. I get that too, and I would feel the same way had the news not been my smack since we replaced a Klan member with a war hero in the Oval Office.
Nonetheless, it remains an attitude problem and, I dare say, people familiar with Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind have a pretty good idea of my attitude. So, with respect to Jonathan King (noted above), here’s some true — as opposed to truly — good news… as I see the world.
ITEM: Big business has seen measured success in the whole work-from-home thing. Many outfits are talking about shifting more office work to their employee’s home environment and cutting down on office rent. This, in turn, exacerbates the amount of unrented commercial property and drives rents down. If you like working from home, this is good news. It’s very good news if you dislike the annoyance and the cost of your daily commute, it has a nice depressing effect on gas prices, and leads to slightly cleaner air. Perhaps some of these cost savings might be passed on to us “consumers,” but let’s not get too high on that cloud of smoke.
The best news for those of us who drift towards jaded cynicism — a disease that spreads faster than coronavirus — is the impact this will have on the Shemp Howard of the Trump family, Jared Kushner, a man so unqualified to live that his very existence brings to mind the words uttered by Lex Luthor in Superman II: “Even with all this accumulated knowledge, when will these dummies learn to use a doorknob?”
ITEM: Speaking about getting high on that cloud of smoke, Colorado Representative Ed Perlmutter tweeted “I just learned the #SAFEBankingAct is included in the CARES 2.0 package. I have been pushing for this because the #COVID19 crisis has only exacerbated the risk posed to cannabis businesses & their employees & they need relief just like any other legitimate business. #copolitics risk posed to cannabis businesses & their employees & they need relief just like any other legitimate business. #copolitics.”
Many representatives and some senators have been working hard to get the laws changed to allow the greater cannabis industry to use our banking system — including credit cards and similar economic engines — the way all other legitimate businesses do. This will be a significant spur to our economy, increase employment, and reduce the overwhelming load of non-violent occupants of our prisons and jails in those states where cannabis use is legal. And, given the dearth of tax revenues, when all this Covid-19 shit is behind us we will see that list expand by necessity.
ITEM: We seem to have something of a resurrection of the movie drive-in. Now, that’s not necessarily important to our well-being as we seem to have gotten along just fine without them these last several decades and, surprisingly, there appears to have been no reduction in our birth rate due to such closures. But if you and your medically-vetted family want to share in the communal movie experience and you just happen to be living near one of the surviving drive-ins, soon you might be able to do just that. I recommend renting a 1956 Thunderbird with a functional AM-FM radio.
Fun Fact: I saw the movie Last Tango In Paris at a drive-in. We might want to consider the impact of X-rated movies that can be viewed from our Interstates. Yes, I’m talking about you, Aut-O-Rama Twin Drive In off of I-80 in North Ridgeville, Ohio!
See? It’s not all doom and destruction. There’s good news out there, if you pay attention.
But having a good sense of humor helps.
