Right from my toes / On up to my nose / Flow on, flow on, river of shit / I’ve been swimming In this river of shit / More than 20 years, and I’m getting tired of it / Don’t like swimming, hope it’ll soon run dry / Got to go on swimming, cause I don’t want to die. • Wide, Wide River, written by Ken Weaver and Lionel Lewis Goldbart from The Fugs’ 1969 album “It Crawled Into My Hand, Honest.”

Please re-read the headline above. It has quotes around it because, last Friday, the Great Orange Fool said “Over the last long period of time, you have an average of 36,000 people dying (a year) … I never heard those numbers. I would’ve been shocked. I would’ve said, ‘Does anybody die from the flu? I didn’t know people died from the flu.’”

For the record, the President of the United States did not start COVID-19. He has done all he could to spread the disease due to his actions, his inactions, his disgust with science, his jealousy of those more intelligent than he, the way he goes down on the so-called religious voters, and his obligations to Vlad Putin and to those who finance his ventures and have kept him out of prison thus far have reduced the global population to quivering androids of Jell-O without any real clue as to what they should do, except for washing their hands in 120 proof alcohol.

Worst yet – Trump’s actions started long before we ever heard the word “Coronavirus.” In 2018, many of America’s top officials charged with handling pandemics got fired for having dared to have been hired by Barack Obama. Rear Admiral Timothy Ziemer, the National Security Council’s senior director of global health and biodefense, was replaced by giving his responsibilities to that well known health care expert, John Bolton. Not-Doctor-John promptly pushed out Tom Bossert, the NCS adviser who recommended maintaining strong defenses against disease and biological warfare.

The Trump administration sought to cut over a quarter billion dollars from Centers for Disease Control budget for the 2018 – 2021 period. He was overruled by Congress. Just imagine what would be coming down today if they didn’t.

Last Friday, Trump said anyone who wants a Coronavirus test can have one. The next day, HHS Secretary Alex Azar said that wasn’t the case, stating the Orange Fool used “shorthand” to make that point. The White House then called him an alarmist.

Trump did not want the CDC to allow the Grand Princess cruise ship to dock in California because “I would like to have the people stay. I told them to make the final decision. I would rather because I like the numbers being where they are. I don’t need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn’t our fault.” By the way, this ship’s customers largely were Americans.

Trump also ordered the removal of the part of the White House plan that would warn elderly and physically vulnerable Americans not to fly on commercial airlines. Why bother? It would only make Trump look bad. Screw this “saving lives” shit.

Meanwhile, blue-state governors have said they don’t have enough testing kits or places to process those tests. They also are urging the White House to make available the government’s massive stash of masks, gloves and other elements necessary for emergency care workers in order to slow down the spread. We’ve been hoarding that stuff for a simple reason: we just might need it to cope with an epidemic or a pandemic. Hello? Ground control to Minor Trump!

Washington State Governor Jay Inslee, who looks after our largest bevy of Corona patients, said they need help, that the resources made available by Don Donald aren’t worth a fart in a blizzard – my term, not the Governor’s. Trump called Inslee a snake. “Let me just tell you we have a lot of problems with the governor,” the Orange Fool babbled. This was just after the lackey he put in charge of vanquishing the problem, Vice President Mike Pence, praised Inslee’s performance.

Last night, the Orange Fool addressed the nation, contradicting his previous comments, contradicting the statements of real doctors and scientists, and simply lying his head off. Some old same old. Do you trust this insane child with your life?

Hey, Trump! I hate to disappoint you, but there really is a fire in the theater. Damn, Tom Hanks and his wife just got it! How big should it get before we can help our nation? The fire is spending like the March Madness brackets, but in reverse.

When it comes to the useless art form of finger pointing, there are so many people to tag that doing so would look the cosplay line at a Three Stooges film festival… but, now, festivals and conventions are being cancelled left and right.

There is only one person on this planet that I’m aware of who deserves to contract COVID-19.

Yeah, yeah. I know. But let me ask you this: Isn’t allowing masses of people to die needlessly also in bad taste?

(NOTE: In an attempt at transparency, the documentary that was set to premiere at SXSW next week that contains on-screen and behind-the-screen involvement from yours loosely will not premiere at SXSW because SXSW was shit-canned… and properly so. The documentary will be released on schedule, but this year’s SXSW is vapor.

(Similarly, if you were thinking of going to next week’s Ithacon to meet PCS’s Bob Harrison, Adriane Nash, or even me… forgot it. Sadly, Ithacon 2020 ain’t happening either.)