Hey now, baby / Get into my big black car / Hey now, baby / Get into my big black car / I want to just show you/ What my politics are • Politician, written by Jack Bruce & Pete Brown
If you think Donald Trump’s commuting of impeached Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich after serving a little over half of his 14-year sentence has anything to do with correcting a grave miscarriage of justice, then I’ve got a bridge strutting across New York’s East River to sell you.
Rod was convicted of attempting to sell Barack Obama’s Senate seat when the latter became president. He also was convicted of shaking down the local horse racing industry and the Lurie Children’s Hospital (a.k.a. Children’s Memorial), both for “pay for play” campaign contributions.
Before you get even more bent out of shape over this one, let me correct a common misconception. My Prairie State brethren need not fear being seating next to this felon when their next jury duty demand comes in the mail. Trump did not pardon Blago, he merely commuted his sentence. There’s a difference – according to the Springfield Illinois State Journal-Register (Springfield is the capital of Illinois): “A commutation is a reduction in a prison term but the conviction remains on a person’s record.” He cannot be elected to state office. He’s now an ex-convict. He’s still a felon. He remains a fool.
But, as usual, the professional wags seek a complicated reason to explain Trump’s actions. Such is almost never the case. Sussing out Trump is all about KISS – keep it simple, stupid. Trump wasn’t simply sending a message. Blago was but one of 11 evildoers and neer-do-wells Trump stroked last Tuesday, and some of those guys were worse than Rod. Bernie Kerik, Michael Milken, and Edward DeBartolo Jr. would have made it to Catastrophe Apprentice’s qualifying round; Blago had no such luck.
Shortly after Barack Obama’s massively well-attended presidential inauguration in 2009, the Trump International Hotel and Tower of Chicago opened to the public. Unlike most buildings with that bastards’ name on it, this one was owned by Trump and, unlike most buildings with that bastards’ name on it, the building was not an ugly piece of shit. Indeed, it was quite nice – designed by the architectural firm of Skidmore, Owings and Merrill – until they put the name “Trump” on it in letters so high they would make a crucifixion look like the Bottled City of Kandor.
In honor of this event, the street upon which it bordered was given one of those honorary street signs, this one named after The Donald. This happened under a Democratic mayor, which should be obvious as the last time a Republican was elected mayor was in April 1927.
By the time Trump was appointed president – but before his poorly attended presidential inauguration – the hostility of the Chicago electorate towards the Orange Devil was so great the city council and the (obviously) Democratic mayor withdrew the tribute and scheduled the signs for removal. For some reason this pissed Trump off, in the sense that the surface of the sun is somewhat warm.
Moreover, before the city could remove the street signs, somebody ripped them off. That didn’t matter; Trump already was pissed royally.
Ever since that event, Trump has maintained an animus towards the City of the Broad Shoulders (Yeah, Carl Sandburg also was a Democrat.) so powerful it betrays the published accounts of his comparatively small Orange Chubby. The city certainly has its problems, but nothing like the type of stuff that comes out of the bastard’s always lying mouth. Go know; why should Chicago be any different than any other Trump target? The non-stop diuretic stream that flows out of his mouth is not based upon any real issue other than his own fantastic ego. “The greatest ego ever.”
Commuting Blagojevich’s sentence was Trump giving the citizens of Illinois, Democratic and Republican alike, the finger. Rod was back home the same day his sentence was commuted.
One thing more. Upon release, Blagojevich declared he was no longer a member of the Democratic Party. He now is a bona fide Trumpster Republican… much to the obvious and exceptionally public dismay of the Illinois Republican Party.
Rod should be familiar with the strum. Cell doors always slam behind you.
(Thanks and a tip o’ the hat to old pal and Chicago legend Charlie Meyerson, he of Chicago Public Square fame, for providing some of the background leads. Thanks, Charlie! Sure beats working!)