Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind #053: Mass Murders? It’s the Damn Monkeys!

God, am I dumb. And when I say “god,” I mean that literally. It turns out there’s a viable, meaningful, and always successful way to end our onslaught of mass murders.

Our old pal Tony Perkins – the one who runs the ultra-right-wing Family Research Council, and possibly not the one who wore his mother’s skin in the movies – told Fox News (of course) “It’s time we talk about the result of the left’s systematic march through our institutions, driving religious expression from the public square… It’s tragic and at some point we have to realize we have a problem as a nation, and the problem is not the absence of laws, it’s an absence of morality – really, the result of a decades-long march through the institutions of America, driving religion and God from the public square.”

So, evidently Tony Perkins’ god is a mean bastard who is so pissed that society is not obsessed with his every fart that he enlightens his true believers to shoot up a bunch of heathens and those who happen to be near them. No more pillars of salt, no more floods – well, maybe floods – nope, Tony’s god has gone high-tech. How many people can you slay in 30 seconds, when god is on your side?

Tony’s idea of the problem? Evolution. It’s the damn monkeys. “We’ve taught our kids that they come about by chance through primordial slime, and we’re surprised that they treat their fellow Americans like dirt… It’s time we talk about the result of the left’s systematic march through our institutions, driving religious expression from the public square.”

Of course, being a zealot means never having to say your lonely. The dogs of war are barking in other brainpans as well.

Shortly after the latest round of slayings in Texas (assuming there haven’t been more in the 18 hours between my writing this column and its posting), Texas state Rep. Matt Schaefer (Republican; go figure…) proclaimed he would not vote for any gun control measures. Not red flag laws, not universal background checks, not banning bump stocks, not banning 100 round magazines, and not banning automatic rifles. “None of these so-called gun-control solutions will work to stop a person with evil intent.”

So what will save us from murderous gun owners? According to Schaefer… god.

“YES to praying for victims. YES to praying for protection. YES to praying that God would transform the hearts of people with evil intent. YES to fathers not leaving their wives and children. YES to discipline in the homes. YES to supporting our public schools. YES to giving every law-abiding single mom the right to carry a handgun to protect her and her kids without permission from the state, and the same for all other law-abiding Texans of age. YES to your God-given, constitutionally protected rights. YES to God, and NO to more government intrusions.”

Those are his words, not my words and not those of anybody who has been paying attention to what’s been going on in the United States of America.

Matt Schaefer

People have been praying for victims. They’ve been doing a whole lot of that, for some reason. Pray away, folks, I’m not looking to stop you. But thus far it hasn’t done a damn bit of good. People most certainly have been praying for protection. Maybe this god of Schaefer’s doesn’t like these fake victims or their fake families. Guns don’t kill. God kills.

Let’s look at the White House. Clearly Schaefer’s god is not interested in transforming the hearts of people with evil intent.

Schaefer said we need more discipline in the homes, so the next time a parent finds his or her kid gunning down strangers in public places, send the brat to bed without supper. You will be saving lives, according to this man who wants to ram his beliefs down our throats without any respect to your religious beliefs. His god, or you get shot.

Yeah. Problem is, history has made at least one thing crystal clear. Schaefer, Perkins and their NRA toady fellow travelers have an argument that completely lacks the sweet smell of success.

Drop the bullshit and save some lives. Now.