Brainiac On Banjo #035: Women Unite — But In Mongolia, Hold The Soda!

Avengers: Endgame passed the $2,100,000,000 mark ten days after release, so in honor of that momentous event, here is a photo of my all-time favorite superhero team-up, even though it has yet to happen on-screen.

Now that the Avengers movies have made about as much money as your average Wall Street cocaine dealer, I think we can say the “women heroes don’t sell movies” bullshit is behind us. It’s time to do the A-Force movie.

Seriously. It’s well past time, but before this weekend the banks might not have financed such a film. I think an A-Force movie will inspire more young girls than a woman president, though that is not an either/or proposition. And the prospect of women getting their boyfriends to take them to a big super-hero movie epic is the very meaning of “turnabout is fair play.”

I’m not sure where this photo was taken, but I do not think they dined at the Kentucky Fried Chicken in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. And yes, that is arguably the worst segue I’ve ever written.

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Let’s say you were trying to join the Justice League. On the other hand, maybe, you’re a turtle and the Legion of Super-Pets doesn’t appeal to you. Life is full of tough decisions.

However, if you happen to be in the right one of the 11 Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia’s capital city, you can do both. The photo with Supergirl, Batman, and the Turtles was taken in the KFC on Peace Avenue, which is a very nice name for a major arterial road. I’d like to think that’s because the Justice League and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles help keep it peaceful.

No, I do not know why this was selected as the go-to place for their team-up. We all know the Teen Titans have all the decent pizza joints tied up. And, yes, I am a bit concerned about where that Turtle on our left, the one near Supergirl, is placing his hands. Or why the living smiley-emoji on our right is obviously reacting in shock and horror.

But that’s not this KFC’s biggest problem thus far this year. About three months ago it was temporarily closed down — think “Chipotle” — because they were responsible for 247 cases of diarrhea, vomiting and fever. The water and soda were contaminated, the water being fraught with bacteria while the soda was spiked with the ever popular E. coli. The moral of that story: when at one of those big-ass Coca-Cola machines, do not select the “E. coli Coke” button.

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To get back to the subject of women-led superhero movies, DC broke that particular ceiling with their Wonder Woman movie and, to a much lesser extent, to WW’s appearances in a couple otherwise-unwatchable movies (hey; it’s my byline, so it’s my opinion). Whereas Marvel has enough women to fill several different blockbusters — and that’s before they acquired the X-Men and Fantastic Four movie franchises — DC has Wonder Woman. Oh, there are a few others in their sundry television shows, but DC has stupidly kept a thick wall between their big screen and almost-as-big-a-screen productions. I’m looking forward to the upcoming (and separate) Stargirl and Batwoman television shows but, when it comes to movies, DC’s superhero women are getting a revival of the ancient and unsuccessful television show Birds of Prey.

This one features Harley Quinn, Black Canary (no relation to any of the television Black Canaries), The Huntress (no relation to the television Huntresses), Renee Montoya (no relation to the character in Gotham, no idea if she’ll be The Question), and Cassandra Cain who, in the comics at least, is the daughter of Lady Shiva and was Batgirl for a bit. Production wrapped last month and it is scheduled to be released this coming February.

Of course The Joker is in it. The Joker is in every movie that does not have Nick Fury or Stan Lee. The big bad is Black Mask, and I admire their decision to put the women up against a male villain. I always hate it when a team of superheroes would take on a team of supervillains and the women would automatically fight each other. That certainly ain’t the Catwoman I’ve known and loved ever since ten years before I was born.

When it comes to DCU movies, I remain trepidatious. Wonder Woman was great. Aquaman and Shazam were above-adequate. But after screwing up most every DCU movie with Superman and/or Batman in it for decades (“most every” means there were exceptions), I remain concerned.

Warner Bros hasn’t pulled their movies off of Netflix yet, have they?