As promised, I have a few thoughts.

Now, if this column’s title didn’t give you pause, let me reiterate that I’m not holding back. Onward ho to Spoiler City we go!

But also, c’mon, if you haven’t seen Avengers: Endgame by now, I have to wonder if you even care about spoilers.

Behold my thoughts on Endgame. (Not all of them, mind you, just the most important ones).

Loki

It is entirely fair to say I was depending on Loki to return with some significance after Infinity Wars did my boy dirty with such a quick and tragic death before I could even catch my goddamn breath from the opening titles.

This time around, I had to wait and he had so very little dialogue (and we know he can talk, right?) — but he was amazing even still. He asked for a drink, he imitated Cap, and once muzzled he smirked, he eye-acted (obvi something they teach well at the all London drama schools), and he got away with the prize.

But can we agree that it was highly criminal to cover up his smile for so much of his screen time? I mean, that’s like putting a shirt on Thor (in previous movies) — you’re hiding arguably the star’s best asset.

But what does it all mean that our devastatingly charming God of Mischief poofed away with the Tesseract? Well, probably that the Russo brothers have written a way for Loki to go on adventures for his Disney + TV show.

And while my favorite version of Loki is at almost full-evolution post-Ragnorak-ready-to-die-for-his-brother — yet not dead, I still love a saucy, villainous Loki.

Also, remember Disney  gave us all a Christmas prezzie this past year in explaining that Loki wasn’t really the bad guy the Battle of New York made him out to be. Like Hawekeye and Erik “No Pants Necessary” Selvig, Loki was under the control of the Mind Stone. #NotHisFault. It fueled his hatred for Thor and Midgard, so yeah, slow your role on the blame.So, even without his redemption in the second two Thor movies, Loki can run free in parallel universe as a rascally trickster antihero we can feel good about wanting to cuddle up with at night. This is a win for all of us.

Though I hope he’s not locked in that parallel universe forever. As a god with the Space Stone at his disposal, wouldn’t popping back into the right universe some how be possible? He needs to interact with post-Endgame Thor. OMG — and The Asgardians of the Galaxy.

I already ship NebuLoki.

Peggy Carter

Loki living to see another day was not my favorite part of Endgame because  — STEGGY!

From the second Cap realized he was in HER office, I was dead.

Gone, I tell you.

TEARS everywhere.

There is no possible better ending other than Steve and Peggy getting their dance.

Except they found a way to exceeded even my most hopeful fangirl expectations!  Agent Carter got to tap America’s ass for the rest of her life. 

For the record, Steve was Peggy’s unnamed husband mentioned in Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier. I refuse to hear anyone’s arguments against this ever. Don’t you even try.

Stucky

With Bucky/Winter Solider/White Wolf just back in commission, hell yes, it’s painful that Steve gave up quality time with his bestie. But I can totally live with it with his ho over bro choice. Bucky knew where he was going before he zapped away to reverse the effects of the Time Heist.
I bet it was even Bucky’s idea because Bucky is almost as excellent as worthy as Steve Rogers.

For the record, I have no problem with Sam getting the Shield. Sam’s going to make an amazing Captain America. 

Thor & Friends

Last Thursday night, the internet was already bubbling over with social justice rage against Fat Thor. To that I simply say, fuck off.

When my parents died, I, too, gained weight and drank a lot. And I didn’t also lose my brother, my home planet, and my magical kick-ass hammer security blanket.

I love everything about Thor’s depression and PTSD. He’s come a long way from the arrogant and beautiful spoiled brat we met in the first Thor movie. He’s finally fleshed out (no pun intended) and with all that realness, he’s so funny. Any comedian will tell you, the deeper the pain, the funnier the punchline.

I would like to at this time, not only beg for an Asgardians of the Galaxy movie franchise, but also a Disney + series based in New Asgard. I want to see Valkyrie run things. I’m feeling a very Leslie Knope-ish vibe. But kind of Parks & Rec meets Broad City. Korg and Mick would obviously be the Abbi and Ilana characters.

A-Force

In the two audiences I was a part of last week, only Cap wielding Mjonir received a cheer louder than the Marvel ladies standing in formation against Thanos’ army.

Captain Marvel, Scarlet Witch, Shuri, Okoye, Valkyrie, Hope van Dyne, Gamora, Nebula, Rescue/Lady Iron Man — holy crap, that’s a force to be reckoned with! MCU, give us an A-Force movie! 

In the “Secret Wars” comics, a couple of parallel universes collapse into each other and we get Arcadia with its all-female defenders. Part of that A-Force team, btw, includes Hawkeye’s protege Kate Bishop — a character from another of the upcoming Disney+’s MCU shows.

I’d like to add that with parallel universes meeting, we could also get Black Widow back (or at least a version of her).

Just something to think about.