Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind #034: Barr None!

As you read these words, and thank you for that, you are one up on me. You’re reading this after the Barr Report is released. I’m writing this the evening before the Barr Report is released.

I’ll bet you don’t know a hell of a lot more about this report than I do, or I did last night, which, for me, is right now. Can we predict future history based upon past history? George Santayana be damned! Have a little patience!

Then again, one person’s patience is another person’s deadline.

It is my belief that the Barr Report isn’t going to do squat aside from raising the volume of our already ostentatious national discourse. It’s not the Mueller Report; it’s a gaily colored, heavily-censored phone book marked up by our nation’s most talented obfuscator, William Barr.

(I’m sorry. That should be “heavily redacted” – George Orwell pointed out how words can be weaponized, and, sadly, only the Republican Party paid attention.)

Barr’s been using the truth to tell lies at least since October 1989, when Barr refused to release the report on how the U.S. government could forcibly abduct people in other countries and drag them to our shores at will. Instead, he offered to provide a summary of its conclusions stating reports from his Office of Legal Counsel were “confidential.” This was a boldfaced lie and Congress subpoenaed the report anyway. But his action established Barr as the Republicans’ go-to guy when they need to play hide the sausage – and that he’s willing to lie to Congress to do just that. In 1991 Michael Isikoff obtained a copy and reported its contents in the Washington Post, and in 1993 the Clinton administration (that’s Bill Clinton) released it to the public.

However, it’s easy to predict the response to today’s Barr Report release. Let’s see how close I come to nailing it.

  • Trump and his puerile sycophants will say it exonerates him – again. This will not be true, but these idiots do know exactly to whom they are lying.
  • Republican bootlickers will demand Robert Mueller and his people be investigated for spending so much time and money lying to the American public in order to further lend credibility to the Barr Report in the minds of the fools and ass-coverers who constitute Trump’s base.
  • The Democrats in the House of Representatives will double down on their efforts to reveal the truth about our Megalomaniac-In-Chief and his evil cabal. Among their moves: subpoenaing Robert Mueller.
  • Several people from Mueller’s team will lose their shit and go public, if they don’t get to testify before Congress rather soon.
  • Fox News’ talking toads will demand all sorts of people be prosecuted for no crimes whatsoever and demand an end to anybody ever saying anything about how Trump’s election was, indeed, a fake election. If any of them knew the word “sedition,” they’d use it.
  • Those Democrats who hope to replace the Orange Skull will use the redactions as GOP-bait.
  • Rachel Maddow will do a dramatic reading of parts of the report, possibly over several consecutive days. It will be very entertaining.
  • Still another baker’s dozen of Democrats will use the report as a reason for joining the run for the presidential nomination, and the June debate will be re-venued to Yankee Stadium.

In other words, we will continue with our tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Hey, it worked for Macbeth.

The bad news: Trump will run out the clock. It doesn’t matter if his tax filings get released: the people who believe they should be out there already have a good idea what’s in them, and the rest are completely unwilling to look at the financial equivalent of 8 x 10 glossies as any sign of the Third-Rate Grifter’s guilt.

The good news: 60 beats 40 every time. The 2020 election is the Democrats’ to screw up, and while they’ve been truly amazing at doing that in the past, this time they’ve got a great field. All they must do is sell it.

The better news: Just as President Clinton released the 1989 Barr Report when he took office, the next president will release the actual Mueller Report in 2021, assuming it hadn’t been released by then.

Trump and his pre-fab tools Barr and O’Connell and Sarah Sanders, the most evil liar in the world, have worked very, very hard at digging his grave. In all fairness, we should honor their work by getting out the vote in November 2020.

2 thoughts on “Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind #034: Barr None!

  1. I never make predictions but your column has encouraged me to take this leap. The Democrats reliance on the Russian collusion narrative has left them looking even more desperate and foolish than usual. Trump will win in 2020. Justice Ginsberg’s health will not sustain her another six years and Trump will nominate Amy Coney Barrett. The only criticism of her background is that she is Catholic. The first amendment prohibits a religious test for judicial picks. Roe v Wade will finally be overturned for being the poor decision it has always been and abortion legislation thrown back to the states.

    If your sense of humor can override your political outrage you may find the first two minutes of the following funny.

  2. George, I’d say I love you like a brother but I’ve never had a brother and there’s probably a good reason for that. I might just disagree with you on a prediction or two.

    If Trump isn’t reelected next year, then he’ll be led away in handcuffs on January 21 2021. If you’ve checked out the Barr Report — well-censored, true, but less than I had thought it might be — the Mueller investigation has handed over more than enough material to get indictments in the many, many state investigations into Trump and aid and abet the grand juries sitting in New York, the District of Columbia and elsewhere. The House Democrats will get Trump’s tax returns, probably before the election, and strictly as a matter of law. The Democrats in the House have been given a road map for their committee hearings to have a wonderful time doing what they do best in the best-trod traditions of the Congress. Many, many independents will look at the Barr Report and think Barr is nothing more than a lackey chained at the mouth to Trump’s butt. Particularly those independents who only watch Fox News for the many laughs it provides.

    Trump’s base will continue to back him because all that Kool-Aide dulls the brain. Some folks will sit out the election as they always do, and it will become a battle of the Most Pissed Off Voters once again, which is another great American tradition, and our vitriol beats yours 3 to 2. Unless the Democrats revert to pre-2018 form, they will will handily win both the White House and, quite likely, the Senate.

    But I have some good news for you. The Barr Report appears to clear Trump’s family members because — and I’m paraphrasing but not changing the meaning here — it says the Trumpetts are too stupid to realize at the time that they were breaking the law. Also, I think it is quite likely that the Supremes will reverse Roe v Wade before Ruth goes to her Happy Gym In The Sky, but abortion will remain fully legal in, at the very least, those states where it was legal before Roe v Wade. You know, where the majority of the population lives. Some states will reap in a lot of abortion-driven tourist revenue, and Broadway ticket prices will go up once again. Those states where both abortion and weed are legal will, of course, do best. Those states that may illegalize abortion already have made it virtually impossible to get one, so very few additional women will be inconvenienced. And many abortion supporters will go back to funding freedom buses that used to bring women who live in states that close the door on religious freedom will still be able to get one. And, afterwards, possibly some vape cartridges.

    I guess I really didn’t have THAT much good news to give you after all. My bad. Rachel will still do her dramatic readings of the Barr Report. She’s a comics fan, you know.

    Looking forward to discussion the Doom Patrol television series with you.

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