I spend an inordinate amount of time out in the world calculating when I can go home, get in my pajamas, and sit in bed watching Netflix.

I am not proud of this, but I’m also not un-proud of it either. Take me as I am – a gal who envies anyone who can decadently put on a sweatshirt and decade-old soft yoga pants, then hop under the covers with a book or an iPad, especially during the weekday daylight hours. Living THE DREAM!

But, why Netflix and not another video streaming platform? Because its queue is the easiest. The watchlist on Prime has to be shared amongst the whole family, going to individual network sites is bothersome, and Hulu’s commercial model is ridiculous (don’t even get me started on their new ad concept when you press pause), so Netflix wins my loyalty by default. Not exactly the highest praise, but they locked me in enough to consider their monthly content changes some of the most important news/click-bait in my social media feed.

Here are February’s in-coming titles (and my reaction).

February 1

About a Boy

Hard Pass. I feel like I’ve taken a turn on all things Nick Hornby recently. I just don’t have the time or patience to pretend to care about white plucky, but emotionally damaged bachelor characters anymore. Not even when played by Hugh Grant.

American Pie
American Pie 2
American Wedding

Just watched American Pie a couple months ago before it left last time. It didn’t hold up. Pass.

As Good as It Gets

What was I saying about emotionally damaged white bachelors?

Billy Elliot

Going on the queue. It’s a heartwarming story about a boy who just wants to dance, yeah, but the real draw is the way they all say “ballet” with those Geordie accents. Also, Julie Walters teaching her dance class with her cigarette dangling between her fingers! Cinematic gold.

The Edge of Seventeen

Yes! To the front of the queue you go! I love a coming-of-age film.

Hairspray

This best be the 1988 John Waters version. One of the best movies ever. Ricki Lake is a goddess! To the top of the queue! Wait, NO! It’s the 2007 musical version destroyed by John Travolta (among others). Kill me now. Thumbs down. Thumbs down. THUMBS fucking DOWN.

Pretty in Pink

Always happy to have this classic on hand. Who didn’t want to be Annie Potts’ Iona? I know, I know, she does start dating that yuppie at the end, but seriously she still looked hella good and I like to see it as just another outfit for her to rock, not selling out.

Free Rein: Valentine’s Day

A Netflix Original. Girls and horses. Pass for me, but I think it will make eight-year-old girls very happy.

Russian Doll

Into the queue, you! Natasha Lyonne, I just can’t not love you. In the first couple moments of the trailer, it seemed like it was a Nicki (from OITNB) redo, but then it just got funny. Amy Poehler’s name in the credits never hurts either.

Velvet Buzzsaw

An art world thrilla! Not really a Jake Gyllenhaal fan (though I do enjoy the songs TSwift wrote about him). Here he seems to be playing very Andy Warhol-ish, except it’s reading more Crispin Glover. I’m always down for Rene Russo (Loki’s mom) and Toni Collette. And John Malkovich makes it kind of a no brainer. Plus button is a go.

Dear Ex
Final Destination
Hostel
Jaws
Jaws 2
Jaws 3
Jaws: The Revenge
Personal Shopper
True: Happy Hearts Day

February 2

Bordertown: Season 2
Romance is a Bonus Book (Streaming Every Saturday)

February 3

Disney’s Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Not going in my queue, but I’m glad to know it’s available. You never know. Shut up, it’s actually not that bad of a movie. Jamie Lee Curtis. Talking dogs. What?

February 5

Ray Romano: Right Here, Around the Corner

February 6

The Soloist

February 8

¡Nailed It! México
El árbol de la sangre
High Flying Bird
Kevin Hart’s Guide to Black History
One Day at a Time: Season 3
ReMastered: The Two Killings of Sam Cooke
The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants: Season 2
Unauthorized Living

February 9

The Break: Season 2

February 10

Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj: Volume 2 (Streaming Every Sunday)

Still haven’t watched Volume 1. Sigh.

February 11

Little Women

This. THIS! The 1994 classic with Winona Ryder, Christian Bale and an itty bitty Kirsten Dunst as Amy. There’s nothing better than a good solid PMS cry when Meg dies. (Yeah, that’s right, I didn’t give you a Spoiler Alert because the damn book was written in 1868 and if you didn’t read it, I would be more worried about your state of your soul than knowing that the girl from My So Called Life was sewing clothes for the neighborhood kids right up until the moment scarlet fever takes her out).

Flavorful Origins: Chaoshan Cuisine

February 14

Dating Around
Ken Jeong: You Complete Me, Ho

February 15

The Umbrella Academy

I predict my daughter, Maddy, will be useless to anyone for as long as this takes to binge. (But I won’t notice because I’ll be too busy watching the shit out it myself. Thank god, it’s being released on a long weekend.)

Larry Charles’ Dangerous World of Comedy
The Breaker Upperers
The Dragon Prince: Season 2
Yucatan

February 16

Studio 54

This is the 2018 Matt Tyrnauer 2-star documentary and not 54 (The Ryan Phillipe, Neve Campbell, Mike Meyers movie that’s not quite as good as Last Days of Disco). My first question is, do we need this? Don’t we all know the story by now? My second question is, how long will it take me to click on it out to catch a glimpse of Liza Minelli?

Black Sea
The 40-Year-Old Virgin

February 21

The Drug King

February 22

Chef’s Table: Volume 6
Firebrand
GO! Vive a tu manera
Paddleton
Paris Is Us (Paris est à nous)
Rebellion: Season 2
Suburra: Season 2
The Big Family Cooking Showdown: Season 2
The Photographer of Mauthausen
Workin’ Moms

February 25

Dolphin Tale 2

February 26

Our Idiot Brother

February 27

Unsolved: Tupac & Biggie

February 28

Jeopardy!: Collection 2
The Rebound

What’s Leaving Netflix….

February 1

Clerks

Damn, I meant to watch it again.

Disney’s The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Double damn, Dead Like Me’s Callum Blue makes this totally re-watchable and now I’ve missed my chance (unless I go digging for the DVD in the garage).

Ella Enchanted

What’s Netflix got against some of Anne Hathaway’s best work? I am outraged.

Queer as Folk: Seasons 1-4
Queer as Folk: The Final Season
The Big Lebowski

Well, that’s three more items down on my queue. I have failed myself.

Black Dynamite
Bride of Chucky
Children of Men
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
Shaun of the Dead
The Bourne Ultimatum
Woman in Gold