I spend an inordinate amount of time out in the world calculating when I can go home, get in my pajamas, and sit in bed watching Netflix.
I am not proud of this, but I’m also not un-proud of it either. Take me as I am – a gal who envies anyone who can decadently put on a sweatshirt and decade-old soft yoga pants, then hop under the covers with a book or an iPad, especially during the weekday daylight hours. Living THE DREAM!
But, why Netflix and not another video streaming platform? Because its queue is the easiest. The watchlist on Prime has to be shared amongst the whole family, going to individual network sites is bothersome, and Hulu’s commercial model is ridiculous (don’t even get me started on their new ad concept when you press pause), so Netflix wins my loyalty by default. Not exactly the highest praise, but they locked me in enough to consider their monthly content changes some of the most important news/click-bait in my social media feed.
Here are February’s in-coming titles (and my reaction).
- About a Boy
Hard Pass. I feel like I’ve taken a turn on all things Nick Hornby recently. I just don’t have the time or patience to pretend to care about white plucky, but emotionally damaged bachelor characters anymore. Not even when played by Hugh Grant.
- American Pie
- American Pie 2
- American Wedding
Just watched American Pie a couple months ago before it left last time. It didn’t hold up. Pass.
- As Good as It Gets
What was I saying about emotionally damaged white bachelors?
- Billy Elliot
Going on the queue. It’s a heartwarming story about a boy who just wants to dance, yeah, but the real draw is the way they all say “ballet” with those Geordie accents. Also, Julie Walters teaching her dance class with her cigarette dangling between her fingers! Cinematic gold.
- The Edge of Seventeen
Yes! To the front of the queue you go! I love a coming-of-age film.
This best be the 1988 John Waters version. One of the best movies ever. Ricki Lake is a goddess! To the top of the queue! Wait, NO! It’s the 2007 musical version destroyed by John Travolta (among others). Kill me now. Thumbs down. Thumbs down. THUMBS fucking DOWN.
- Pretty in Pink
Always happy to have this classic on hand. Who didn’t want to be Annie Potts’ Iona? I know, I know, she does start dating that yuppie at the end, but seriously she still looked hella good and I like to see it as just another outfit for her to rock, not selling out.
- Free Rein: Valentine’s Day
A Netflix Original. Girls and horses. Pass for me, but I think it will make eight-year-old girls very happy.
- Russian Doll
Into the queue, you! Natasha Lyonne, I just can’t not love you. In the first couple moments of the trailer, it seemed like it was a Nicki (from OITNB) redo, but then it just got funny. Amy Poehler’s name in the credits never hurts either.
- Velvet Buzzsaw
An art world thrilla! Not really a Jake Gyllenhaal fan (though I do enjoy the songs TSwift wrote about him). Here he seems to be playing very Andy Warhol-ish, except it’s reading more Crispin Glover. I’m always down for Rene Russo (Loki’s mom) and Toni Collette. And John Malkovich makes it kind of a no brainer. Plus button is a go.
- Dear Ex
- Final Destination
- Jaws 2
- Jaws 3
- Jaws: The Revenge
- Personal Shopper
- True: Happy Hearts Day
- Bordertown: Season 2
- Romance is a Bonus Book (Streaming Every Saturday)
- Disney’s Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Not going in my queue, but I’m glad to know it’s available. You never know. Shut up, it’s actually not that bad of a movie. Jamie Lee Curtis. Talking dogs. What?
- Ray Romano: Right Here, Around the Corner
- The Soloist
- ¡Nailed It! México
- El árbol de la sangre
- High Flying Bird
- Kevin Hart’s Guide to Black History
- One Day at a Time: Season 3
- ReMastered: The Two Killings of Sam Cooke
- The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants: Season 2
- Unauthorized Living
- The Break: Season 2
- Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj: Volume 2 (Streaming Every Sunday)
Still haven’t watched Volume 1. Sigh.
- Little Women
This. THIS! The 1994 classic with Winona Ryder, Christian Bale and an itty bitty Kirsten Dunst as Amy. There’s nothing better than a good solid PMS cry when Meg dies. (Yeah, that’s right, I didn’t give you a Spoiler Alert because the damn book was written in 1868 and if you didn’t read it, I would be more worried about your state of your soul than knowing that the girl from My So Called Life was sewing clothes for the neighborhood kids right up until the moment scarlet fever takes her out).
- Flavorful Origins: Chaoshan Cuisine
- Dating Around
- Ken Jeong: You Complete Me, Ho
- The Umbrella Academy
I predict my daughter, Maddy, will be useless to anyone for as long as this takes to binge. (But I won’t notice because I’ll be too busy watching the shit out it myself. Thank god, it’s being released on a long weekend.)
- Larry Charles’ Dangerous World of Comedy
- The Breaker Upperers
- The Dragon Prince: Season 2
- Studio 54
This is the 2018 Matt Tyrnauer 2-star documentary and not 54 (The Ryan Phillipe, Neve Campbell, Mike Meyers movie that’s not quite as good as Last Days of Disco). My first question is, do we need this? Don’t we all know the story by now? My second question is, how long will it take me to click on it out to catch a glimpse of Liza Minelli?
- Black Sea
- The 40-Year-Old Virgin
- The Drug King
- Chef’s Table: Volume 6
- GO! Vive a tu manera
- Paris Is Us (Paris est à nous)
- Rebellion: Season 2
- Suburra: Season 2
- The Big Family Cooking Showdown: Season 2
- The Photographer of Mauthausen
- Workin’ Moms
- Dolphin Tale 2
- Our Idiot Brother
- Unsolved: Tupac & Biggie
- Jeopardy!: Collection 2
- The Rebound
What’s Leaving Netflix….
Damn, I meant to watch it again.
- Disney’s The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Double damn, Dead Like Me’s Callum Blue makes this totally re-watchable and now I’ve missed my chance (unless I go digging for the DVD in the garage).
- Ella Enchanted
What’s Netflix got against some of Anne Hathaway’s best work? I am outraged.
- Queer as Folk: Seasons 1-4
- Queer as Folk: The Final Season
- The Big Lebowski
Well, that’s three more items down on my queue. I have failed myself.
- Black Dynamite
- Bride of Chucky
- Children of Men
- Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
- Shaun of the Dead
- The Bourne Ultimatum
- Woman in Gold
- Cabin Fever
- Disney’s Girl Meets World: Seasons 1-3
Do you feel that? It’s all the pre-teen girls swelling in anger. There is still no official release date for Disney’s streaming service, but it’s not slated to launch until the fourth quarter of 2019. I’ll admit it. Every time another Disney show gets pulled out of the Netflix lineup, I flinch.