The Handmaid’s Tale: S2E6 “First Blood” Hot Take Recap

  • Not going to lie. I sat down to watch tonight and thought “I totally don’t remember the big cliffhanger from last night.” and then a millisecond into the “previously on”, then remembered everything. Getting ice cream now.
  • “Mrs. Waterford… your baby is moving around in there!”— Oh blow it out your ass Dr. Fuckyourself.
  • I haven’t read the books, and I’m sure this would change the trajectory of so much, but I had a fleeting thought. If Nick had been black, and the baby came out beautifully mixed… the whole of Gilead would have to swallow that Fred’s loins are for crap. Of course that I say that NOW I imagine they’d raise THAT child in a locked tower. So, never mind. I’ll go back to my ice cream. I’m sorry, Aunt Lydia.
  • YEAH. MAKE ME SOME SOUP… BITCH.
  • So, they’re making a new larger center to subjugate women. Lovely. I can’t wait to see the all-marble rape rooms.
  • “Do you want to know the secret?” Sure, childwife. “I put pop rocks in them.” I DO love the guilt-ridden corpse face of Nick though.
  • I think I get it now. The show likes to make us think these are human beings, and THEN they remind us they are horrendous monsters who should be tazed in the face and kept on the brink of death and sanity for the remainder of their mortal lives.
  • June “Feels” back, with her scene in the kitchen with Freddy No-Sperm. But, I don’t get the angle. Yet.
  • “Just give it some time.”… you know, like until you’re legal? Like old enough to drink. Wait, sorry, we pause this joke for this interruption. SHE THINKS HE’S GAY!? Hahahahahahahaha.
  • So, run away for 90 days? Get choked nearly to death. Bleed from the  hoo-hah a bit too much? Free lunch for you and your friends! I can’t wait for the juicy gossip. “So, how did YOU get raped last month?”
  • So, infant mortality is what started all of this, eh? Who needs medical science, when you have God on your side! Too bad they didn’t fire a few more at her.
  • “I love you.” Oh, piss off, Nick. You have no idea what love is.
  • The thing is, Breaking Bad was evil, but behind it we saw the reasoning. Walter White was one man, who at his worst, was in it to benefit one man. And the drugs he made may have led to tons of death and badness. But again: he was one man. Serena Joy and all their ilk are a fricking nation formed under the guise of religion to make habitual rape and murder the norm. Being forced to see this much evil in every frame is maddening.
  • Do YOU feel guilt, shame, and remorse when YOU’RE having sex with underage girls at the threat of death? Well, say no more! Gilead-brand Fucksheets now come with glory hole and paper bag for her head.
  • “She wanted to see the child.” There it is, Serena. You’re soulless.
  • Oh, Fred. You’re making me regret the ice cream. I’m gonna be sick.
  • “You’ve been issued a women.”
  • “Blessed be the fruit.”, thanks, you 15 year old half-wit.
  • “Don’t you want to run a household, one day?” I think I’m gonna watch Serena get shot a few more times.
  •  Nevermind.